Peter Tan-Chi - Train

Watch
Audio
Donate

Greetings! In the name of our wonderful Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. It is a pleasure and honor to worship with you today. We will continue the MOTIVATE series. 8 secrets on how to impact the lives of our children, loved ones and students for long-term change. Let's repeat quickly:

M: Modeling.
O: Open Communication.
T: Time.
I: Intimacy.
V: Vision.
A: Affirmation.
Our day will focus on T: Training and Teaching. But today, I want us to understand the principles of training.

Let me ask, who is responsible for training? And second, what does training mean? What is the difference between Coaching and Teaching? For most of us, training is the responsibility of the government, the responsibility of the school, for some of us, the responsibility of the church. The ones responsible for training are none other than the parents. We are responsible. Let's look at Proverbs 22:6. The Bible says: "Train a young person in the way that is proper for him, and when he is old he will not depart from that way".

What are the principles of training? Well-intentioned training results in transformation. The words "to educate (train) children" come from an interesting word: "Chanak". Chanak means to dedicate, separate, But this word, "Practice" what does it mean? It means to arouse a great desire, it means to direct a child's heart towards something. This word is used to describe midwives. After delivery, a midwife will use her finger to dip it in date syrup and then rub it on the roof of the baby's mouth so that the baby begins to have the desire to start breastfeeding. It is also used to describe how they train wild horses. A horse is useless until its will is subdued.

So the word train has the idea of breaking the horse's will but not its spirit. I think this term is very appropriate because the reality is that it's not just children, even adults, we all struggle with our own will. We prefer to do things according to our will rather than God's will. So the basis of training is to guide a child's will. The Bible says "Educate a young man in the way that is proper for him". It has to do with having the right desire, the right direction, but it has to do with willpower. So that when the child grows up, according to the Bible, he will not "deviate" from it. When it comes to the direction of a child's life, your job is to observe. Find out the direction of your child's life? Where will he go? What is the power? What are the weaknesses? then practice it, so it will be in the right direction.

Now what is the purpose of training? For a person, this can be done in a secular and people-centered way, you train your children to be successful in finances, to be successful in their jobs, to be successful in skills. Nothing wrong, but still not enough. What is biblical training? Biblical training is about character, about purpose. You want your children to grow up to be like Christ, you want your children to learn to obey God. Because the root of humanity's problems is its own arbitrary nature. So training begins with obedience. You want them to not only obey externally but also obey gladly from within their hearts.

So how do you do this? I suggest you start as early as possible. That's why the Bible says in Ephesians 6, let's read together. "Hey kids", pay attention, kids, "obey your parents in the Lord, for it must be so". This is an order. "...children, obey..", note, "...in the Lord". This is to remind us all that our obedience is ultimately anchored in God. What else is an image of obedience? Pay attention to verse 2. "Honor your father and mother..." The word honor has the meaning of respect as the meaning of caring for them. Why? Because obedience, appreciation and respect are all related. You may be forced to obey without respecting your parents because your heart is not sincere. True obedience does not only involve external behavior, it also has to do with your heart, with your attitude. Honor. Take note. This verse gives reasons for obedience.

Pay attention to verse 2 "...this is an important commandment, as is evident from this promise: that you may be happy and live long on earth". Who doesn't want to be blessed? That's the essence of training. You train your children to obey. Why? Because there is a blessing. Why do I obey God? Why do I obey my parents? Because there is a promise. God wants to deal with obedient hearts. Obedience does not mean delayed obedience. Most of us have not been taught. We think "I will obey later", "I will obey later". That's how he thinks. Delayed obedience is not obedience. When we teach our children, we make sure they understand that obedience should not be delayed.

So how do we teach this to our children so that when they grow up, they will accept the importance of obedience? What guidance should be given when they are small? The guideline is this, you must focus on obedience and respect. So we teach them three important commands: "No, Wait and Obey". What does it mean to obey? Obedience means obeying now, not later, it means obeying now, not after being ordered two or three times, just once. I see a lot of parents messing up on this. They gave the command "Let's take a shower". The child looked at his parents and then continued playing. Then they raised their voice.

"Let's take a bath"! The child looks and doesn't move, finally the parent, mother or father gets angry, that's when the child wants to take a shower. By doing this, we teach our children that when we give the first command, they do not have to obey. When we give a second command, they don't have to obey until we get angry. You see, sometimes we are inconsistent. That's why the Bible tells us that we should focus on teaching them what obedience means. The principle of obedience after being ordered once is very simple: you give an order once, you don't keep repeating it, because if you keep repeating it, you're like telling them not to obey. If you let them keep whining, you're basically training them if they keep whining, they'll get what they want. If you give in because they whine, you are teaching them it's okay to whine.

Proverbs 13 verse 24 says: "He who does not use a rod hates his son; but he who loves his son chastens him in due time". Currently, the topic of spanking is very controversial. But may I share with you? Biblically, God gives us principles for how to train our children. In our family, we use spanking. It's not to destroy them, it's not to hurt, it's to discipline. We never spank out of anger. You don't do that. You don't yell, you don't threaten. I didn't say "If you disobey, Daddy will spank you". This is the wrong approach. You make clear rules and say "If you don't obey the rules, Daddy will spank you".

And when you find that they are disobedient, don't continue to threaten. Take them to a place, you don't spank straight away, you explain why you are spanking to them. And when you do spanking, I repeat once again, don't do it while you're angry, don't do it in public, and do it consistently. Why? The purpose of spanking is to associate disobedience with spanking. You want them to learn that if they don't obey, they will get spanked. I remember when we visited the US, we all sat in one row and the kids started misbehaving, they played with paper. Then I said "Obey". They looked at me but didn't hear, they just kept throwing papers here and there.

When the service was over, I took them to our hotel room, I asked them to line up and I said "You know what you did? You disobeyed Daddy, therefore, Daddy had to spank you". They lined up and I spanked them, each once. This hurts. The next week, we were at another church and once again they misbehaved. But this time I looked at them and said "Obey". Guess what happened? They all obeyed. Why? Because they learn. That's the goal of discipline. To teach them one obedience command, where you don't have to negotiate, you don't have to keep repeating. You see, discipline is only effective if you implement the eight principles you have learned. Discipline without relationships will lead to rebellion.

I said to my wife: When we discipline children, we do not put aside other principles such as Example, Relationship, Open Communication. Why? Because discipline without relationship will bring rebellion and love without discipline will bring disrespect. So you must balance discipline, relationships, love and this is the secret if they know you love them. Consistent love + discipline over time will lead to Christlikeness, will lead to a godly nature. So that when they become adults, you can ensure that you can connect with your children's hearts. This is why you need to adjust your ways. For example. So what I mean by adjusting the way, when they are still small, you can be firm. But as they get older, you want them to learn internalized values. So you want to focus on self-control.

Can I tell you something? Obedience will definitely involve self-control. Example: when I tell them to obey and wait, they need to practice self-control. Self-control is something that many parents are not aware of, this goes hand in hand with obedience. Obedience will inform your children and teach them the importance of self-control. Like eating. How do they eat? Also teaches them how to exercise, get up early. As they get older, you adjust your ways. But the overall emphasis is on teaching them to assume more responsibility and more self-control. Teach them to be responsible in making decisions because you allow for consequences and you want them to be responsible as they internalize values. I will ask my sons Paul and Jenny to share with us how they apply this to their children.

It's a different parenting style. For some of us, we are very passive, not present. Physically present but emotionally absent. For others, they are passive. They don't take action and let things happen. Passive. The other extreme is rude, you are like a dictator, you like to assert yourself, shout at them, physically abuse them. Or you are too controlling. I call this "helicopter parenting", you are "always there" with the kids. What's the best approach? The best approach is what I call authoritative, balanced and deliberate. What is authoritative? What is balance? You create clear rules that make sense. You don't scream or spank out of anger. You are authoritative.

Don't be like parents who want to be their children's friend, their best friend. Nothing wrong with friends, but can I say something? If you don't set boundaries, your children will not respect you. That's why love without discipline will produce disrespect. Discipline without love will result in rebellion. Now what if they are older? When they are 13 or 12 years old and above, people call this "adolescence". I'd like to remind you that the word "teen" didn't even appear in the English vocabulary until the 1950s because of an article in Reader's Digest. The reality is: in Jesus' time, when a boy reached the age of 13, he was considered a man.

To me, a teenager is like a young adult. You have to teach them, you have to be intentional, you have to respect a lot, listen a lot. For me, I like to emphasize not just self-control, I want them to internalize values, I want them to develop beliefs, you want to teach teenagers the reasons why they believe what you believe. Why should they believe the Bible? You have to teach them that. You must also teach your children the fact that obedience brings blessings. What kind of blessing? This is God's way of guiding us, God's way of protecting us, God's way of blessing us. Teenagers need to understand this, they need to internalize this. You do this when you connect youth to Jesus.

Coaching kids isn't just about coaching them when they're little, you do this over and over again. When they were over 20 years old, my wife and did not stop guiding them, training them. But our way is different. We become coaches. We don't really lecture, we listen a lot and we give advice. Why is it important to teach teenagers as they grow, children as they grow about the importance of obedience? Because it is through obedience that they will learn to realize that this is God's will and purpose. What does it mean? For example, in 1 Peter 2:13-15: "Submit, for the sake of God, to all human institutions, both to kings as those holding supreme authority, and to guardians...For this is the will of God".

Note, teenagers and young adults must understand: obedience to authority is God's will. I remember years ago when I was dating my wife, before I proposed to her, I got the blessing of her parents. Why? Because I believe in the need to obey authority, I wanted my wife's parents' blessing. Before I got married, I got my father's blessing. Why? Because I believe blessings come when we respect authority. This is all for our good.

In 1 Peter 3:1, notice what the Bible says. "Likewise you, wives, submit to your husbands, so that if any of them disobey the Word..." Note, those who disobey, they are not believers. What should these wives do? Pay attention to the words: : "submit to your husband..." What is the purpose? So that "...they also without a word are won by the conduct of their wives," you see, obedience is anchored in faith in God. God wants us to trust Him, God wants us to truly believe that when we obey Him, when we trust Him, we allow Him to be the only one doing the work.

Friends, I always tell people "You can't change your parents, you can't change your husband, you can't change your wife. Do your part and our part is to respect and obey". Someone once shared this with me: Obedience releases the power of God. So true. I will ask my Wife to share with you how we implement this in our family.

Deonna Tan-Chi: I want to share a story that will help illustrate what Peter has shared with us about teaching our children the importance of submitting to authority, obedience, and that obedience brings blessings. When Candy was in Grade 8, she attended an International School. When he graduates, he has many friends and most of them will study abroad. He came home and said "Dad, Mom. I want to go to school in the US". But our philosophy is that we want children to attend school in the Philippines for undergrad so we can disciple them and help them internalize godly character and beliefs. So we said "Candy, we want you to study in the Philippines for undergrad".

Candy is very sad because she really wants to go to school in the US. But by God's grace, Candy has internalized the principle that submission to authority brings blessings from God. Candy knows that if she obeys us, she obeys God. So he applied and was accepted into a college here. That's when he went to the dentist and felt called to become a dentist. You see, by remaining in the Philippines, he experienced God's call on his life. Then he changed his major to BS Biology. After second year, he said "Mom, Dad, can I go to the US because I can finish dental school and my major in 6 years". So with our blessing, Candy went to one of the best universities in the US. Then he called us and said "Mom, I'm having trouble here. I've forgotten everything I learned".

Then we say "In Psalm 1 it is written that if you meditate on God's Word day and night, memorizing His words, you will be blessed in whatever you do". So he began to memorize the Word and his obedience to God's Word brought blessings. In his first year of college in the US, his grades were all A's. This is its third year. Then by God's grace, he was able to skip his fourth year. During dental school, she memorized the Word and by God's grace, she became an outstanding student. What's the lesson? When our children know that God loves them, that He has a wonderful plan for their lives and that when they obey authority, when they submit to their parents, this means they obey God, God is committed to blessing them and God keeps his promises. God bless you.

Praise the Lord. I would like to personally thank God and my wife because they set an example in submission. Because it is almost impossible to teach our children to submit without example. Because you set an example in respect, set an example in submitting to authority, our children are very submissive now because they learn from you. Thank You. I remember a CCF member, he worked for his father. He was so annoyed. He said "Peter, I want to quit. I don't want to work in my father's business". I asked "Why"? He began to share his annoyance and complaints. I said "Brother, if you can appreciate your Dad, respect him, do your best, change your attitude, let's see how it goes".

By the grace of God, this young man, at that time he was married, he respected his father, deliberately showed respect, even though he had difficulty working with and for his father. But may I tell you something? After a few years, the father turned to him and he said "Now I realize you are the person I have been looking for. You are the right person to take over the leadership of our company and I will give you everything". This guy inherited billions. Why? I'm not teaching you to obey in order to make money. I say that principle of obedience, that by honoring your father, because you honor God, you are entrusting yourself with your future. I always say that you should honor it with the expectation of seeing what God will do.

My wife told me about a girl she was counseling. This girl's husband is too much, he has a bad temper. But my wife said "Try to respect your husband, try to respect him". Several years later, my Wife and I became Ninong Ninang at a wedding and the couple also became Ninong Ninang and we sat together. You know what surprised me? The husband who used to be abusive openly said, "You know why I'm going to Bible study now? Because of my wife, my wife changed".

You see, that is the power of obedience, the power of respecting others, so powerful that we don't realize that this is what God wants us to learn, including adults. When you obey God, you obey authority and vice versa. You obey your husband because you obey God. Jesus said that if we love Him, we will obey Him. Obedience goes through various stages, but my prayer is that you will learn this principle: we obey not out of obligation, we obey out of love, we obey gladly. We obey not only because obedience is good for us, but because obedience brings honor to God. That is the essence of obedience. God's great goal is not only salvation but also our transformation into the likeness of Christ. God wants us to obey. That's why He disciplines us.

The Bible says: "for the Lord disciplines those He loves". Note, "His beloved". God's reason is because He loves us, because we are His children and God diligently disciplines us. The following verses discuss "...they taught us for a short time according to what they thought, but He chastened us for our good..." Always for our good. Not punishment but for our good. Verse 11: "Indeed, every reward when it is given does not bring joy, but sorrow. But...to those who are trained by it". The root of the word trained is "gymnasium". God wants to train us. How? He disciplines us. Then this "bears the fruit of righteousness that gives peace".

Several years ago, my direction in life was strictly business. My self-justification: "Make a lot of money for God". I serve God in the business community. This is for God. Then God did something. He let me get sick. I had never been hospitalized before, but that day I was admitted to the hospital and in the hospital room, God spoke to me. God said "Peter, I love you. Will you be serious with Me"? I heard it so clearly in my head that God was saying "I want you to serve Me. But focus on discipleship, focus on mentoring men". God says "Do this and I will take care of your business". That is the meaning of "God chastens those He loves". In that hospital room, I couldn't see anywhere except up. I said "Okay, Lord".

By God's grace, this was a turning point in my life. When I reflect back, God indeed "works all things together for good". Romans 8:28. For what purpose? Pay attention to the contents of this verse. He predestined to "be conformed to the image of His Son". God's desire is that we experience not only forgiveness and salvation, but also that we become like Christ. God loves us as we are, but God loves us too much that He refuses to let us continue as we are. In my case, God showed me the idols in my life. How do you know there are idols in your life? What would make you angry if you didn't have one? What would really make you sad if that was taken from you? What are you really afraid of?

Think about it. What is your biggest fear? What about your security? Who do you depend on for your security? God loves you as you are, but if you have idols, things, or people, your life will be very unsafe. You will be filled with fear. And the Bible says that God will surely discipline those He loves. My prayer is that as you study this message, perhaps for the first time, you will realize that what is happening in your life is God's way of loving you, is God's way of calling for your attention. He wants you to learn a lesson. But the most important thing I want you to experience today is to confirm that you are a child of God.

If you want to be sure that you are a child of God, I want you to know something: Jesus died on the cross. He took our punishment, took the punishment for our sins. He obeyed God the Father by dying on the cross, He atoned for our sins and He bore our punishment. Whatever is happening now to you is not because God is punishing you but because God loves you. He is disciplining you. The purpose of discipline is to train you. The purpose of training is to change our character. But the first step is for you to become a child of God.

If you have become a child of God, the next step is to grow in Christlikeness, namely obedience. God committed Himself to guide and train you. Why? Because God promises that one day, you and I will stand before Him holy and without blemish. You need to learn to be hopeful about all that God will prepare for us. God has promised: "What no eye has seen, and no ear has heard, and which has never entered the heart of man" God has prepared for "those who love Him". This comes from the heart. I want to give you the opportunity to ask God to be your Savior. That's how you become a child of God, by coming to Jesus.

Lord Jesus, I realize You love me and that's why I undergo discipline. I thank You that You love me so much that You want to train me. It is Your desire for us to learn obedience. Father, the first thing I want to confirm is that I am Your child. Because You promised that if I were Your child, You would prepare me and change my character and train me. Lord Jesus, I invite You today as my Lord and Savior. I accept Your gift of forgiveness. I accept Your gift of eternal life. Change my heart. Give me a heart that wants to obey You. Give me the heart to believe in You. So that I obey You happily and above all trust in You. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.