Peter Tan-Chi - Modeling
Hello everyone. What a great day to worship with you today. I'm excited about this Sunday's message. Last week, we discussed the importance of family We discussed the importance of understanding God's design. Today, I want to share with you eight principles on how to positively influence your family, your loved ones and your friends. Before we continue, let me share a quote with you. It read: "No success in public life can make up for failure in the home". When I learned this many years ago, God impressed upon my heart: "You focus on your family, make sure your family Healthy" I realized that if families are not healthy, it affects society, it affects the church, and it affects the world.
Last week, my water heater broke and I was looking for the manual. Why? I don't want to lose the warranty. I want to make sure it's fixed. Now, I want you to imagine that something more expensive than a water heater, say, a Rolls-Royce, has something wrong. What do you do? If you want to ensure the warranty, you can check the manufacturer's manual. Why? Because it's expensive stuff, precious to you. Can I tell you something? Your family costs more than a Rolls Royce. If something goes wrong in your marriage, if something goes wrong in your family, what do you do? Who do you talk to? Many times, we forget that God gave us the manufacturer's manual. Bible. This is why the Lord gives us a burden.
My wife decided to write a book called "Inspiring" to help many of us learn how to have a healthy family according to God's design. What's unique about this book and the principles you're going to hear is, number one, it's based on the Bible. Second, it was validated and tested. My wife and I waited forty years before we decided to write down these principles. We need to determine the impact on our families, the impact on other people. The principles you're going to learn are not just in our family, many of our members, not just in the Philippines but around the world, have seen amazing results.
Another unique thing about this book is that it was co-authored by my children, who share the principles they learned. Not only that, my grandchildren also contributed to this book. Finally, in humility, I want you to know that ours is a happy family, and it is all because of God's grace. You can have the same experience. If you are willing to humble yourself and study God's handbook. He invented marriage, He invented family, and God knows how to help us. The purpose of sharing these principles with you is to help you, not just train your family, it's to help all of us become a positive influence, an effective influence because we are all members of one family. You don't have to be a father and you don't have to be a mother to be influential because you are part of a family.
Don't underestimate the power of your life, your influence. These principles apply equally to your friends, your brothers and sisters, your coworkers. So, these are universal principles, 8 of them, and I'm sure you can have more, but for this series, I'm going to start with 8 biblical principles start. If some of you may not know, our family is by the grace of God, here are some pictures of our family. You'll notice five good kids. This is a picture of my children and their husbands and wives, five wonderful in-laws. This is a picture of my first son, Peter Jr., his wife Jennifer and their children. Here is a picture of Joy and her wonderful husband, Eldridge, and their amazing 6 children. Here is a picture of Paul and his amazing wife Jenny and their 4 children Here is a picture of Candy and her wonderful husband, Jeff and their children.
The last picture is of Caroline and her wonderful husband Joel with their three children and one in the womb. 8 Secrets to Impact the Hearts of Your Children, Your Loved Ones, Pay Attention, for a Lasting Impact. What are these 8? The abbreviation for these eight secrets is M.O.T.I.V.A.T.E. Because the truth is you want to inspire people from the heart. It's all about influencing the mind. So: M: Model O: Open communication T: Time I: Intimacy V: Vision A: Affirmation T: Training E: Entrust Today we will start with the first one, Model. What do we mean by being a role model? The principle of being a role model is simple: children imitate us, both positively and negatively. This is based on biblical, imitative principles.
The apostle Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians chapter 11 verse 1; The apostle Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians chapter 11 verse 1; The apostle Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians chapter 11 verse 1; Be imitators of me, As I imitate Christ. Do you see role modeling? Because the best way to learn is through observation, that is imitation. Because the best way to learn is through observation, that is, imitation. Our children will imitate us whether you like it or not, and people will imitate us whether you like it or not. They do it whether you know it or not. Whether you tell them or not, they will do it. You see discipleship is all about being a role model. Discipleship is when disciples imitate disciples. Discipleship is when disciples imitate disciples.
As you learned, you'll notice, the principle of being a role model is found in Deuteronomy 6. In Deuteronomy chapter 6, it's not just one of the best chapters when it comes to family, when it comes to parenting. This is also one of the best chapters in discipleship because of the principles mentioned there. Why do you want to be a good role model? You want to influence people. Modeling is about, "How do I impact the hearts of my disciples, my children"? So start with the heart. This is the most effective way to influence people's hearts. Being a role model focuses on values. Being a role model isn't about perfection, it's about authenticity. You have to be intentional.
So, one of the best chapters of example is in Deuteronomy 6. What can we learn? Let's start with Deuteronomy 6. These are the commandments, the statutes, and the judgments that the LORD your God commanded you to teach and obey in the land you are passing over to possess. Note that this is a commandment. When you think of commandments and rules, what should be in your mind? What comes to mind? Do you react? Do you have a negative attitude towards it? It is important to look at your heart. Attitude toward God's Word and God's commandments is crucial.
Notice, next chapter: So that you and your children and your children and your children's children may fear the LORD your God all the days of your life, to keep all his statutes and commandments, which I commanded you so that your days may be prolonged. The purpose is for their well-being. The Bible says; May your days be long. The next verse tells us the purpose of the commandment. Hear, O Israel, and observe it so that you may enjoy blessings in a land flowing with milk and honey. You may be greatly increased in number. Enjoy the blessings in the land flowing with milk and honey, and increase in numbers exceedingly, just as the Lord, the God of your fathers, promised you. Why? God's Handbook is the best God has given us. He not only tells you how to make a living, but also how to live.
It is important that we touch the hearts of our children, our disciples, especially as they connect with God. You think the purpose of being an example is to influence people's hearts, but you must know God's design and God's channel. Let us know that rules and commandments are so important. Let us know that rules and commandments are so important. They do not restrict us, but protect us. It does not control us, but liberates us to enhance our happiness and enjoyment. My best example is any sport, you need rules. For example, basketball. What are the rules of playing basketball? Why do you need rules to play basketball? In order to enjoy the game, you must follow the rules. For example, you can't catch someone. You can't kick the ball, you have to learn how to dribble, you can't hold the ball too long, and you have 24 seconds to take the shot. You're told you can't commit a flagrant foul.
When you commit a flagrant foul that hurts someone, you will be kicked off the basketball court. Remember the rules are for our happiness and to protect us. The same goes for life, marriage, family, and relationships. If you don't obey and understand the heart of God, you won't want to follow the rules. Notice the next verse: Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is one. Now pay attention, you are to love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. Take what I command you today to take to heart. When you set an example, God wants you to know, start with your heart. What is the most important thing in the heart? Love.
What is the principle of loving Jehovah with all your heart, soul, and strength? If a man said to you, "I love you, but only 90%," would you marry him? For example, your girlfriend might tell you: "You know, I have an old boyfriend. Before you came along, he was my boyfriend for the longest time. I really love you, but can you, allow me to have breakfast with him once a month without touching him? No kissing, no sex. Do you agree? Why not? This is what love is, 100% why? Because God created us and He knows what love means. When you love someone, you love 100%. What makes you and I think it's okay to love God 99% or 90% when you yourself can't even accept someone who loves you 99%? Look, when you love God 100% you love your husband, your wife. Your ability will even grow.
When you love God with all your heart, you will be able to love others better. This is the nature of love, but God knows that is why He asks us: "Love me with all your heart". This is where discipleship begins. You want to help your children, you want to help the people you love, not only to know Jesus, but to love Him 100%. Imagine your children loving God with all their heart. Obedience is no longer an issue. When my kids were little, I praised God, they knew the Lord, they learned to love the Lord because they loved the Lord, so it was easier to obey the Lord because they obeyed the Lord, so they obeyed me, and there was no problem obeying us. Because they love the Lord, they do well in school. They excel in education because they do it for the Lord. They avoid premarital sex. They avoid drugs or other things that would lead to God. Come to shame. It's all about love.
When a husband loves God, he will be faithful to his wife. When a wife loves God, he will honor and honor his husband. It really affects your heart to love God. See, the heart is the root and the actions are the effect. When the heart is affected, lasting changes occur. But the reality is: How can we love God if we don't know Him? How can our children love God if they don't know Him. What? That's why this entire series, 8 Secrets, 8 Principles, is all about influencing the hearts of our children to learn to love God and to love others. So, how do we influence the hearts of our children? How do we influence the hearts of our brothers and sisters? The heart of those we love?
The Bible tells us: Teach it diligently to your children, and talk about it when you sit at home, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise up. Why? This is really the best way to teach, that is. Remind them, it's called example. It's a constant reminder. Note: Also teach your children diligently. Grammatically, it just means "you make sure they learn it". It's intentional that you have to talk about them. Words are actually informal, so you have to be intentional and informal. Why? It's a way of life. You will notice that every location in the house is mentioned. When you sit at home, when you walk by the road, when you lie down, when you get up. The Jews, they really understood this, also tied it on their hand as a sign and put it on their forehead as a scripture.
You'll notice in these pictures, they even had these scriptures written on their doorposts. And write it on the doorposts of your houses and on your city gates. Well, God's intention is: Let this be a reminder. It's a constant reminder to treasure God's Word, my teachings, and the foundation is love. Jesus knew this principle. He knew that setting an example is the most effective way to teach. So Jesus said: I gave you an example, so that you should do what I did to you. Jesus did it on purpose. Jesus did it on purpose. Jesus said : I set an example for you and he leads by example. Tell you to do what I have done to you.
As Einstein once said: "Leading by example is not the main way to influence others, but the only way." Did you know that our children are so precious. When they are young, they are very impressionable. They literally imitate us. Parents, fathers, mothers, our children imitate us. The same goes for the young disciples, when When you help someone grow, that person looks up to you in the Lord. When you help someone come to know Jesus and you make them a disciple, they will look up to you. So be careful, who you are, what you do is more effective than what you say. Values are learned, not taught. As the saying goes: "Your actions speak so loudly, I can't hear what you are saying". When it comes to modeling, values, you should do it intentionally because the best way to teach values is not always to lecture, but to model it yourself.
I remember years ago when I asked my son: What do you want to be when you grow up? What to do? My son said, "Dad, I want to be like you." I was excited. I said, "What do you mean"? He said, "I love making big money like you". You know, when I heard about it, I was sad but I didn't show it to him. God impressed upon my heart: "What an example are you setting" So from that day on, I intentionally, purposefully modeled the importance of loving God, the importance of serving God. Do you believe it? ?A few years later, before the same son graduated from high school, which was his last year, I asked him, "What do you want to be when you grow up"? He said, "I want to be like you, dad". I Said, "What do you mean"?
Here's what he said: "Dad, I want to be like you, I want to be a self-sufficient pastor, I want to be a self-sufficient Bible teacher." You know, when I heard that, I smiled inwardly because I praised God that my son had found the right example. You see, it's never too late to change. When He gave me that answer I knew something was wrong. asked the question, but instead of scolding him, I asked myself, "What am I doing"? Can I ask you a question? When your children see you, do they see you love God? Can they see our love for God?How did you do it? I pray that you were intentional.
For example, when it came time for Sunday worship, were you excited? Did you tell your whole family, "It's time to worship our Lord together"? Except for you. Personal worship, I hope they will see from time to time, you're reading the Bible, you're praying, being intentional about it, making it what you expect, worshiping God, serving God, teaching the Bible. Many years ago, I took. Went to America with my whole family, they were still young, and my kids loved to eat, and after we had a nice dinner at this restaurant, I went to the car and gave the bill to my wife, and my wife said, "Honey. Yes, they charged us less."
Now let me ask a question. If your wife told you "They undercharged us" what would you say as a leader? You would say: "Hallelujah! Praise God, I'm saving money". " Or would you do something else? Well, my wife and I, without any discussion, without any hesitation, I drove back to the restaurant and when I got out to pay the balance, guess what? One of my kids followed me .The girl in the restaurant said, "Sir, why are you doing this? No one has ever done this before". I simply said; "We are followers of Jesus".
It was a simple act of paying the right amount. It was a simple act of honesty but what can I tell you? I believe in a simple example of integrity that impacted all 5 of my children today and I humbly tell you that I Children are honest if you are their business partner, they will never cheat on you, they will not lie to you. Do you know why? Because my children know that there are many things that are more important than money, like, character, integrity, live to please God. Being a role model is not only the most powerful form of education, it is also the greatest privilege you can have for your children and your loved ones. Parents, your children look up to you. Be careful, because if you're not careful, you can undermine their respect.
This is why the next principle is so important. Be a role model not for perfection, but for authenticity. Perfect. We all can't be perfect, but we need to be authentic. Why? Children have an amazing ability to detect hypocrisy because they see what you are doing out there and what you are saying around the clock. What friends do, what you do at home, I pray you can be consistent because nothing can stop young people especially teenagers, I believe young people are more than hypocritical and one of the reasons why, according to surveys, 90% of young people don't respond to their beliefs, because of the hypocrisy of adults.
My prayer is that we learn to be authentic. What do I mean by being authentic? Being authentic just means that when you make a mistake, you have the humility to admit it, and you ask for forgiveness. You don't rationalize, you don't give excuses, you don't blame others, and you admit your mistakes. I remember one time, when I was talking to one of my kids, it was me. My daughter, I apologized to her, I said "I'm sorry". I don't even remember what happened, but I remember what my daughter said: "Dad, I know what you did, and I was just wondering what you would say, What would you have done"? I'm glad I admitted my mistake and I praise God for giving me the grace to be humble. Why? Authenticity is very important, not perfection. We can't be perfect parents. Children are not good at it.
Listen, they are good at imitating us, I praise God in my family today and in my children's family, admitting that your mistakes are not something we can avoid, asking for forgiveness is part of our family culture and we acknowledge it. Wrong. Why? Because here's the reality: Modeling isn't about being perfect, it's about being real and being authentic. Modeling is about being intentional and you have to pray and ask yourself: What role model can I give my children? God will give you that. Wisdom We try to analyze our 5 children, we see their strengths and we see their weaknesses. I remember observing one daughter's weaknesses every time we played basketball and she lost. I told myself "This can't go on" and one day I decided that when we played together again, I was going to lose on purpose, I was going to let her beat us, I was going to purposely say "Wow, you beat us, but praise God, It's just a game".
I taught her how to praise God when she loses with dignity without crying. Today, if you look at my kids, they are very competitive, but they are good losers and good winners. You see, being a role model is intentional. May I suggest that you set an example. So what do you do? The best thing a father can do is be a good husband to the mother of his children. The best thing a mother can do is to set a good example of a good wife to the father of her children - in other words, a good role model for both husband and wife. This is the basis.
Let me explain. How a husband treats his wife, how a wife responds to her husband, is the basis for children to learn in terms of social relationships, values, etc. For example, I watch my children. I praise God that when I visited their home today, they didn't really yell at each other, they didn't really fight. Can I tell you why? By the grace of God, my wife doesn't yell. By the grace of God, I don't yell. We don't yell at each other, now my 5 kids, if you look at their family, they don't yell at each other. Why? It's called role modeling. Being a role model is so important, especially when it comes to respect.
I noticed that because my wife emphasized dignity and respect for my authority, I went out of my way to show my children the importance of obeying authority. What do I mean? One day, my daughter came to complain about school uniforms. You have to understand, we homeschooled our kids until some of them got to high school, and when they got to high school, they went to a school, and my daughter was complaining about the uniforms, and I told myself, I'm going to use this as I will obey the authority of the school myself.
You know what I said to my daughter? I said, "Honey, you may not agree with that, I may not agree with the dress code". Like you need to cover your shoulders, your clothes don't go above your knees, all of that. Old fashion rules. You know what I tell my daughter? "Let's honor the school, they must have a good reason". You see, by doing this, all of my children are raised to respect and obey authority. This is fundamental. If people don't see this in their homes, they won't learn to respect and respect authority. But, throughout our lives, we must learn to obey authority because it is God's command. When we learn to obey the authority of our parents, our children will learn to obey the authority of their teachers, to obey the authority of society, and when they work, they will respect their bosses. But where do they learn that? From watching fathers and mothers.
So be careful. Respect, respect, and lead by example. Let me share with you the impact of family relationships in the Bible. Why it is a laboratory for human relationships. How do we learn to treat each other, old, young. This is stated in 1 Timothy 5:1-2. Do not rebuke an older man, but encourage him as a father to the young men as brothers to the older women as mothers to the younger women as sisters. What do you notice? Everything about this family is mentioned here. member. Treat him like a father, old men like your father, young men like brothers, old women like mothers, young women like sisters. Where do we learn to communicate with each other? In the family.
This is why family is so important. An example to the husband, an example to the wife. Father's example, mother's example, children's example. We can all influence each other. This is where they realize the importance of gender. How did my son learn to be a man? By watching me. I intentionally teach my children what it means to be a man. My daughter is very feminine. Where did they learn that? From watching my wife. You see, being a role model is fundamental. Singles, I want to bring something to your attention. You may not be a parent, but you are still part of a family. You can certainly influence your parents. You can influence your brothers and sisters.
I remember when I was young, I would spend my time in church activities, not knowing that my father was hurt because my father used to stay with us on the weekends. Then I started to be busy in activities and neglected my father. As I grew up, I realized I needed to cultivate a relationship with my dad. From that point on, I definitely started slowly developing better relationships because I intentionally wanted to spend time with my dad. I know some singles who will intentionally be kind to their parents and to each other because singles are blessed, and I've also noticed a lot of CCF singles who use their extra money, their resources, to bless their families and bless their parents.
See singles, parents, when you set an example for stewardship, when you set an example for the use of money, people are watching us. My children know that God owns everything. My kids know that just because we can afford it, doesn't mean we need to spend it. My children know that giving a tithe of the first fruits to God is not an offering because it belongs to God. Giving, many times more than 10% By God's grace, all of my children have experienced the reality that we can never give to God more than He has given us.
So, there are many ways to model and influence family members, by what you do and what you don't do. I suggest that you model kindness, model spending time with your family, model what it means to be governed by the Holy Spirit. Because the truth is: there will be pressure. There will be disappointment. So how do you deal with stress? How do you handle disappointment? If you're always nervous, your child may be. If you always react in anger, your child will develop a habit of getting angry or yelling. So, be governed by the Holy Spirit, especially when you feel disappointed and stressed. Learn to surrender to the Holy Spirit. We call them principles.
Remember, P.R.A.Y. When you are stressed, you stop and you ask God, "Lord, how do I respond"? R: Resist the first impulse to yell, to fight back, to get angry, to resist. A: Ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom and you ask the Holy Spirit to control you. Y: Yellding to the control of the Holy Spirit. One time we were eating and my wife did something ssktrange. I felt I needed to react, but by God's grace I followed these principles: Resist the first impulse and ask the Holy Spirit to guide you. As we were walking, I realized that my daughter was talking to my wife privately. She told my wife that what she was doing was not right and by the grace of God, while we were walking, my wife came up to me and my wife apologized to me.
I told my wife "did you notice what you did"? my wife said "yes our daughter corrected me" my wife asked me to forgive her. That's the beauty of learning to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit. Because we're not perfect, we make mistakes, but you have to be willing to listen to the Holy Spirit, humble yourself, and ask for forgiveness. Many times, I have to publicly apologize to my children, my wife. Why? This is what authenticity means. Model the kind of person you want your child to be. I've asked my daughter Joy and her husband Edric to share with all of us the principles of role modeling. What did they learn.
You'll notice, how empowering it is to be a role model, to my grandchildren. They imitate the behavior of their parents. You'll notice how my children observe my behavior and that of my wife. What else did you notice? By looking, by observing, they learned more. Many times as parents, we are careless about our actions. We don't realize that being an example is the most effective and powerful way to teach. You will find something, the Christian life is not hard, it is supernatural, and it is impossible to live the Christian life on your own ability and strength. We need the life of Christ and the Holy Spirit within us so that you and I can receive the fruit of the Spirit.
Remember Galatians chapter five. What does it say? The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience. A Christ-centered life, a Christ-centered family, a Christ-centered example, is letting the Lord Jesus, the Spirit of Christ, the Holy Spirit, will your family be happy to take over and govern us? Remember the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, and peace. Love life? Let me end with this amazing quote from my wife Deanna. "Whatever you want your children to be, you should be because they will become what you are" Same with your disciples If you want your disciples to love the Lord, you want them to serve God, If you want As they share the gospel, ask themselves: "Am I setting an example of loving God? "Am I setting an example of sharing the gospel"?
There are no shortcuts, it's God's design, be the example. "Children are great imitators. Give them something cool to imitate. " Best of all, let us imitate the love of Jesus, His character, His humility. Jesus said: I have given you an example, that you should do what I have done to you. If you look at the life of Jesus, He The perfect example of love. What did He do? He gave His life for you and me. He lived an amazing life for others. But here's the thing: How can you and I follow Jesus if we don't have Him in our hearts? Do you have Jesus in your life? Do you have a loving relationship with Jesus? If you don't, it's never too late. I want to pray for you that you will come to know Jesus and you will allow Jesus to empower you. Jesus becomes your Lord and Savior. Let us pray.
Lord Jesus, I pray that I will come to know You more, that You are my Savior and that You gave Your life not just to pay for my sins, You make Your life an example for me to follow. So today Jesus, I invite You to be my Savior and Master. I ask You to forgive me for all my sins. I also ask you, Lord Jesus, to be the Lord of my life. Give me the strength to follow you. In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.