Jeff Schreve - The Sacredness of Sex
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In our world today, we have disgraced and discarded the seventh commandment. It clearly says you shall not commit adultery. But there’s a reason why this commandment was given to us by God. So we’d reserve sex for the safe confines of marriage. I’m Pastor Jeff Schreve and we’re in my new series «Written in Stone» where today God will remind us of the sacredness of sex.
We’re in a series on the 10 commandments and we’re going through commandment by commandment, and today we’re on commandment number seven, Exodus 20, verse 14, «You shall not,» emphasize not, «commit adultery». Now, that’s a very simple, straightforward verse, but it’s packed with meaning as we see God’s heart toward the sacredness, the holiness of the sexual union between a husband and wife. Now in our world today, we have so thrown the seventh commandment to the dogs, so to speak. And we have disregarded it, and disgraced it, and degraded it, and discarded it. And we say, oh, that’s so passe. But there’s a reason why that commandment was written on the tablet of stone written by the finger of God. You don’t break God’s commandments, you’re broken on God’s commandments, because the commands of God stand, and God’s word will last forever, and ever, and ever.
So we wanna look today at this command, very simple, straightforward command, you shall not commit adultery, and unpack what all that means to you, and to me today as it relates to the sacredness, the holiness of the sexual union between a husband and a wife. So three insights for this morning, number one, God created sex solely for the safe confines of marriage. Now, as I’ve told you before, anytime we start talking about sex in a Baptist church, Baptists get nervous. We don’t like to talk about sex. Why? Because we think it might lead to dancing. And so we get nervous about this. Oh, the pastor is talking about sex. He’s not supposed to talk about sex.
Howard Hendrix, the great professor at Dallas Theological Seminary, who’s in heaven now, he said, «We should never be ashamed to talk about what God wasn’t ashamed to create, and God created sex». And if you go back to the dawn of civilization, when God made a man, Adam, Genesis chapter 2, you know, every day when God would create and say, God saw what he made, and it was good, and it was good, and it was good, and it was good, and it was good. And then we read about Adam and the Lord says it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable to him, a helper that corresponds to him. And God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man. And he performed the very first surgery and he pulled out of the man from his side, a rib and some flesh.
And he fashioned this creature called woman and he brought her to the man. And the man said this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman for she was taken out of man and in the Hebrew, she shall be called «Isha,» woman, because she was taken out of «Ish,» man. And so he is so excited about this creature that God brought to him. And then the scripture goes on to say, not speaking directly to Adam and Eve, but to all of us, «For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother,» Adam and Eve didn’t have a father and mother, «For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh».
And that is how God set it up, the blueprints of marriage. And so God created sex solely for the safe confines of marriage. Now notice some things about this design of sex. It’s designed for oneness in the marriage. The two shall become one flesh. Now that happens physically when a man and his wife come together in the marriage, we talk about the consummation of the marriage where you come together as one flesh. And God created men and women different so that they would complement one another. And it’s oneness, not just physical oneness, but it’s to be a oneness in marriage, of body, and soul, and spirit. And it’s pictured in the beautiful union of the sexual relationship.
Now, 1 Corinthians 6:16 picks up on this, and says, «Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a harlot is one body with her? For He says, 'THE TWO WILL BECOME ONE FLESH.'» Hey, don’t join yourself to a harlot, because that’s joining to become one flesh. And so that is reserved just for a husband and his wife. So God designed that there would be oneness in this marriage relationship. Secondly, God designed sex for procreation in the marriage. And he said to Adam and Eve in a summation chapter, Genesis chapter 1, Genesis 2 backtracks a little bit on day six, because in Genesis 2, Eve isn’t created yet until the end of the chapter. But in Genesis 1, the Lord is giving us an overview and he says this in verses 27 and 28, «And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. And God blessed them; and God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it».
We learn a lot from the book of Genesis, we learned that God made them male and female and God made Adam and God made Eve and God said, «Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth». How do we do that? We do that through the sexual relationship between Adam and Eve, between a husband and his wife. So God created sex to be that expression of oneness in the marriage, «And the man and his wife were both naked and they were not ashamed». There was perfect oneness there in the Garden of Eden until they sinned in Genesis chapter 3. And then for procreation, and thirdly, he designed sex for pleasure in the marriage. You know, the Lord could have made it to where the sexual union between a husband and wife, was just neutral, there was no pleasure involved.
God didn’t create us like that. He could have created it where it’s just pain, you know, coming together to procreate, it was like having a root canal and the people, I mean, it’d been Adam and Eve and, once Cain killed Abel, that was it, you know? I mean, just no more, you know, and because it would be like, «I’m not doing that, that hurts,» but he didn’t create it like that. He created it where there’s this fire, there’s this excitement and there’s pleasure involved and that’s not a bad thing. That’s a good thing. And even the Bible tells us about that. Song of Solomon chapter 7, listen to what Solomon says about his wife. I believe this was his first wife. He had 700 of them, but this is the first one.
This is before he kind of fell off the wagon here. And he says, «How beautiful,» she’s probably dancing before him. He’s really enjoying what he sees, «How beautiful and how delightful you are, My love, with all your charms! Your stature is like a palm tree, And your breasts are like its clusters. I said, 'I will climb the palm tree, and I will take hold of its fruit stalks.' Oh, may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, And the fragrance of your breath like apples, And your mouth like the best wine»! Solomon is really enjoying his wife and how she looks. Men are very visual and there’s nothing wrong with that. God exalts that. He created sex to be pleasurable, but only in marriage.
This is what he says in the New Testament, in 1 Corinthians chapter 7, beginning in verse 3, he said, «Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does, and likewise also the husband doesn’t not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another». God is pro-sex in marriage and the husband fulfills his duty to his wife, and the wife fulfills her duty to her husband. And when Debbie and I were first married and I ran across 1 Corinthians chapter 7, I would tell her in the morning, Debbie, I’m reporting for duty. Just wanted her to know, because that’s, just wanna be a doer of the Word, and reporting for duty.
So when we think about sex in marriage, see, God designed it only in marriage. Think about sex this way. Sex is like fire. It’s like a roaring fire. In your home, there’s only one place for a roaring fire and that’s the fireplace. You don’t want a roaring fire in your attic. You don’t want a roaring fire in the living room rug. You know, you want it only in the fireplace. So sex is fire and marriage is the fireplace. And God says, «Hey, I want you to have a roaring fire but only in the safe confines of marriage».
So that’s the first insight. God created sex solely for the safe confines of marriage. It is sacred. It is holy in marriage. Second insight, adultery is a sexual sin that attacks the sanctity of marriage, the purity of marriage, the holiness of marriage. Hebrews chapter 13, verse 4, «Let marriage be held in honor among all,» the married and the unmarried, «Hold marriage in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge». Fornicators and adulterers. Now in the seventh commandment, remember when we learned on our fingers, the seventh commandment, what is that? You shall not commit adultery. These two don’t do anything with these other folks, right? That’s the seventh commandment. But is it just adultery? Is God only saying you shall not commit adultery but you can commit fornication?
So if you’re not married, you can have sex with lots of people as long as they’re not married. No, the seventh commandment for forbids adultery and fornication. Fornication is what people do when they’re not married and they have sex with someone who is not married. They haven’t committed adultery, but they have committed fornication. And Hebrews 13:4 says, «Fornicators and adulterers God will judge». The Lord is very clear about this and he’s very strong about this, «Let the marriage bed be undefiled». So it forbids both of those things. Secondly, it forbids any sexual immorality. So you take the Bible and you start piecing the Bible together with other parts of the Bible. 1 Thessalonians 4:3, «For this is the will of God».
Lots of people want to know what’s the will of God, what’s the will of God? What’s the will of God for my life? This is the will of God, your sanctification, your holiness, that is that you abstain from sexual immorality. Now, the word that’s used there in the Greek is pornia from which we get our word pornography. And pornia is a very broad term. It covers all types of sexual immorality. It covers adultery, it covers fornication, it covers homosexuality. It covers all sorts of, bestiality. It covers, just a big blanket term. «This is the will of God, your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality».
Now, when you talk to couples that are dating, high school couples, college couples and in today’s world, I mean, it’s nothing, it’s sad to say, but it’s nothing for people to meet and boom, they have sex on the very first date. Well, that’s just blowing past Hebrews 13:4. That’s just showing, «I have no fear of God». Fornicators and adulterers, God will judge. And we’re to live in the fear of the Lord always. But here’s the thing. You have couples, Christian couples and they say, «Well, how far can I go before I cross the line»? You know, they wanna know that, «And what can we do? Can we kiss? What can we do? Is there a limit»?
I had a friend of mine one time, he talked about technical virginity. You know, we’re not having intercourse but we’re getting close, and listen, the goal of the Christian life is not to see how close you can come to the edge before you fall off. It’s to keep yourself unstained by the world. And so what is the, where is the line? The line is in your heart. Because the seventh commandment, forbids lust in the heart. Jesus in the great «Sermon on the Mount,» he told the people, «You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY'; but I say to you, that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has committed adultery with her already in his heart».
Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount, he was raising the bar on the 10 commandments, because the people had lowered the bar in the 10 commandments. And they said all that matters is outward. So, «You shall not murder». So if I haven’t murdered anybody, then I fulfilled the 10 commandments, or that commandment number six. And Jesus said, hey, if you have hate in your heart toward your brother, you have broken that commandment. And he takes it back to the heart. And all throughout the Bible, if you wanna know what the Bible is about, God is not interested in rules, he’s interested in a relationship with you and he’s interested in the heart. God doesn’t see as man sees, man sees the outward appearance, but the Lord sees the heart. And the Pharisees did everything just meticulously well on the outside.
And Jesus said, «This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far away from me. But in vain, do they worship me teaching as doctrines of the precepts of men. Your heart is far away and that’s what I want, your heart». And see, the heart. The Bible says in Proverbs chapter 4, «Watch over your heart, guard your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the issues and the springs of life». Everything comes out of the heart. Jesus said in Matthew 15:19, «Out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornication, thefts, false witness and slanders».
Where does it come from? Comes from out of the heart, and your heart is connected to your mouth, because the mouth speaks from that which fills the heart, and your heart is connected to your eyes, because your eyes see what your heart desires. Everything goes back to the heart. Hey, adultery, a sexual sin that attacks, and robs, and destroys the sanctity of marriage. And then insight number three, the good news. We can safeguard our lives from this devastating sin. Now, I realize that I’m talking to people and you might be here and you’re like, «I don’t like this sermon at all because this is hitting really close to home».
And I know that, you know, you can’t unscramble eggs, and things that you’ve done in the past that you wish you could go back and redo, well, you can’t do that. All you can do is make things right. But what you can do from this morning onward is to say, «Hey, I’m gonna safeguard my life from the devastating sin of pornia, of sexual immorality, of adultery, and of fornication. And I’m gonna take God’s Word to heart». «Let marriage be held in honor among all and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for fornicators and adulterers God will judge,» and God, I don’t wanna be a fornicator or an adulterer. I don’t wanna participate in sexual immorality. It is your will that I abstain from sexual immorality.
So how can we safeguard our lives in the world in which we live that’s just permeated with sexual immorality? Just coming out from every orifice of the nation. How do we protect ourselves? First of all, we can make a covenant with our eyes, as Job said in Job 31, verse 1, «I have made a covenant with my eyes; How then could I gaze at a virgin? How then could I look upon a maid»? Now, remember, the eye sees what the heart desires. So it’s always a heart issue and you gotta go back to the heart and say, «Why does my heart desire these things? God give me a heart, give me a passion for you that far exceeds my passion for anything else».
That’s a prayer I pray on a consistent basis. Secondly, we can decide not to play with fire. What did we say earlier? Sex is fire. The only place for fire is in the fireplace, and marriage is the fireplace. That’s the safe confines of the sexual relationship. That’s the way God made it and God intended. And we can say, «I’m not gonna play with fire with other people». Proverbs chapter 6, «Can a man take fire in his bosom And his clothes not be burned»? Of course not, «Can a man walk on hot coals And his feet not be scorched? So is the one who goes into his neighbor’s wife; Whoever touches her will not go unpunished». So we can make the choice now to say, «I’m not gonna go in that, in the way of temptation. I’m not gonna play around with fire».
You see somebody that you find very attractive, you just keep your distance from that person. You just know, «Hey, I find you very attractive, so therefore I’m gonna always keep my distance from you». I’ve had to do that through my life, because you’re always gonna find somebody. You meet people all the time, you think, «Oh, that person is very, very attractive. Keep your distance from them». See, foolish is the man who says, «Well, I find this person very attractive. I think I’m gonna spend time with them». You’re married to somebody else. You don’t need to be spending time with this person you find attractive.
Hey, if you don’t want to fall down, don’t walk in slippery places. And so therefore the one who thinks he stands, take heed lest he fall. And we have people getting into emotional affairs. How does that work, an emotional affair? Well, women are very emotional. Women typically don’t go right away for the physical affair. Men want the physical affair, women want the emotional affair. And emotional affairs always lead to physical affairs, because that’s just the flow of it. And so you can say, «I’m not gonna do that. I’m not gonna play with fire».
Much better to follow the example of Joseph in the Bible. Joseph, in the book of Genesis. Remember Joseph was a very handsome guy, a very capable guy. He’s in charge of everything in Potiphar’s house, as the number one slave in Potiphar’s house. And Mrs. Potiphar saw how handsome and capable and winsome was Joseph, and she wanted to have sex with him. And day after day she would say, «Lie with me, lie with me, lie with me». And he said, «I can’t do that». He said, «How can I sin against God by doing that? And Potiphar has put me in charge of everything that he owns. The only thing that’s off limits is you, and I’m not gonna sin against God by doing that».
Well, one day, as it turns out, it’s just Potiphar’s wife and Joseph, and they’re in the house. All the other servants are out of the house, and she grabs him by his coat and says, «Lie with me». And Joseph, what does he do? He spins out of his coat and he runs. He didn’t try and talk to her about it. He didn’t try and say, «Well, let’s pray about this. I don’t think this is a good thing. Let’s pray about it».
No, he got out of there. He saturated that place with his absence. And that’s what the Bible says do. 1 Corinthians 6:18, «Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you’ve been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body». Don’t put yourself in a situation where you’re going to fall. Get out of there and don’t. Put on the Lord Jesus Christ, Romans 13:14 says, «And make no provision for the flesh with regard to its lusts».
So we can decide ahead of time, «I’m not going there. I’m not gonna play with fire». And then thirdly, we can remember the high cost of sexual sin, the high, high cost of sexual sin. Hey, the Bible talks about Moses and it says that Moses chose ill treatment with the people of God, rather than choosing the passing pleasures of sin. Sexual immorality, there is pleasure in that, just like there’s pleasure for a fish to nibble on the bait until the hook comes into play, and then that fish wishes he had never started to nibble on the bait. Magnify the consequences of the sin, put that down in your heart in your life early and walk by it. Listen, we can’t change what we’ve done in the past. We can own what we’ve done in the past. We can make things right. Make things right with God, make things right with those we’ve hurt, and we can trust God to bring about restoration, forgiveness, change, because he’s in the business to do just that.