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Jeff Schreve - The Commandment With A Promise


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    Jeff Schreve - The Commandment With A Promise
    Jeff Schreve - The Commandment With A Promise
TOPICS: Ten Commandments

«Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you,» that it may go well with you. I’m Pastor Jeff Schreve, and we’re studying the fifth commandment in my series Written in Stone. Today we’ll learn ways to honor our parents throughout our lives so we can reap the benefits of the commandment with a promise.

Now, the foundation for the first tablet is, «I am the Lord your God who brought you up out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery; you shall have no other gods before me». That is the foundation of everything, God only. So we worship God only; we worship God rightly, no idols; we worship God reverently, «You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not leave him unpunished who takes his name in vain». And then honor the Sabbath day to keep it holy. We worship God regularly. But then he goes into the horizontal. And what does the horizontal start with? What is that hinge point? What is the foundation point for loving your neighbor as yourself?

Exodus chapter 20, verse 12, «Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you». It’s the command with a promise. It’s the only one of the ten that has a promise built in, «that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you». Now, when Moses in Deuteronomy repeats the Ten Commandments, he says this, «Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, that your days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with you on the land which the Lord your God gives you».

So there’s a little bit of added information that, when you do this, here’s the promise, that you live long on the earth, that it goes well with you. And Paul picks this up in Ephesians chapter 6 when he says, «Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth». Well, who doesn’t want it to go well with them? Who doesn’t want to live long on the earth? You’re never going to have that, God says, unless you honor your father and mother. So that’s a wonderful promise for those who will do it.

So we want to look at this very practical way to look at this commandment today. We want to answer the question, what does it mean to honor our father and mother? We want to answer the question, why is it so important? Why did God write it with his finger, etch it in stone, carve it in stone? And, number three, how do we do it? What are practical ways to do that? So those three questions that we want to answer. So question number one, God wants us to know what it means. What does it mean? Well, God says, «Here, I’m going to tell you what it means. This is what it means. Honor your father and your mother».

The word honor in Hebrew, it’s the word kavod; it’s used 156 times in the Old Testament. It means to be weighty, to be heavy, to be glorious. That’s the word kavod. And, when we honor someone, we attach weight to their personhood, to their place, their position. «Hey, you have a weighty position. You have a glorious position». In the New Testament, when Paul says, «Honor your father and mother,» obviously, he’s writing in Greek, not in Hebrew. And that word in the Greek means to prize, to revere, to put a value on. And, when we honor our father and mother, we put a value on the position that God has given them in our lives. So, very simply, honor is an attitude of respect that endures throughout life. Sometimes we get the idea that the fifth commandment is for kids. It’s just for little kids.

«Hey, little kids, honor your father and mother, that it may go well with you, that you’ll live a long life». But it’s not just for little kids, although little kids are definitely included; it’s for everyone. And, see, this commandment doesn’t have a shelf life. It doesn’t say honor your father and mother until you turn 18, and then you’re on your own and do whatever you want. No, this is an attitude of respect that we give our parents all throughout our lives. Now, it does look different as you get older.

So, when we talk about children, 18 and under, living under the parents' roof, children are to obey their parents in the Lord. Do they have an attitude of respect? Of course, yes, you honor, and you’re 12 years old, you honor your parents, but you also obey your parents. «Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right». And that’s what we do as children because of the golden rule. He who has the gold makes the rules, and, when you’re living under mom and dad’s roof, you go by mom and dad’s rules. But now, as adults, when we get older, when we leave the nest, «For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh».

We start our own family. We revere our parents in the Lord. We always have that attitude of respect for our parents. Leviticus 19:3, «Every one of you shall reverence his mother and his father, and you shall keep my sabbaths. I am the Lord your God». And so we have that attitude toward our parents; they stand in the place of God, so to speak, for us, and we always hold them in such high esteem and high regard. So that’s what it means to honor your father and mother. Now the second question, why is it so important? I mean, why did this one make the Ten Commandments, and why is this the foundational command that springs all of the horizontal commands? Well, not only does God want us to know what it means, but God wants us to know why it is so important.

Now, what does the Lord say concerning a person who doesn’t do this? You know, it’s the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you and that you’ll live long in the land, but what if you don’t do it? «What if you say, I don’t want to obey that, I don’t want to honor my parents, my parents aren’t honorable, so I’m not gonna honor them». Deuteronomy chapter 21, «If any man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey his father or his mother, and when they chastise him, he will not even listen to them, then his father and his mother shall seize him, and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gateway of his home town. And they shall say to the elders of his city, 'This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey us; he is a glutton and a drunkard, '» and he smells bad.

I just added in the smell. I mean, it was just kind of, you know, it was going. «Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death; so you shall remove the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear of it and fear». Now, we don’t have a record that they actually did this, but that was the command. This is how serious it is. You say, «Well, that’s Old Testament. Jesus would never talk like that». Au contraire. Matthew chapter 15, When the Pharisee is saying, hey, «Why do your disciples break the commandments»? He said, «They don’t break the commandments, they break your traditions». But he said, «Let me ask you, why do you break the commandments of God»? For he says in Matthew 15, «For God said, 'Honor your father and mother, ' and. 'He who speaks evil of father or mother, let him be put to death.'»

He quotes from Exodus chapter 21, verse 17. Now, why is this so important? Why does God put it in there? We don’t see it as, I mean, you murder somebody versus disobedience to parents, that’s like saying, comparing murder to going, you know, 65 in a 55. I mean, it just doesn’t seem like it’s that big a deal. It’s a huge deal. Honoring your parents teaches you to honor authority. Why does God have this in the Ten Commandments? Because it’s so critical because it teaches you about authority. Listen, your parents are not your peers.

And, parents, don’t try and be your kids' peers or your kids' pals. You’re their parents. And, right off the bat, honor your father and mother, that shows a kid, «Hey, mom and dad have a position that I don’t have. They have an elevated position. There is a gap in here between me and my parents, and I have to hold them in the highest regard because God commands me to do that». And so it teaches a kid early on about authority, and we honor authority. Now, they stand in the place of God, and they’re to train us up in the fear and instruction of the Lord, the fear and admonition of the Lord.

And so through our parents then we’re to learn the fear of the Lord because that’s the beginning point of everything. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge. Fools despise wisdom and destruction. When you understand that God is God and I’m not God, and you give God his rightful place as King, and you take your rightful place as slave before the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, that’s what we teach our children. That’s very primary, and they do that through honoring their father and mother. That is the first step. And then they learn there is authority that God puts in life, authority structures that God puts in life. So, very very important to honor authority, and that’s baked in. God says, «Hey, this is really critical».

Honor your father and mother because you need to learn to honor authority. And secondly, honoring your parents teaches you the value of family. God is teaching us how important family is. You think about in the book of Genesis, before God ever established the church, before he ever established education, before he ever established government, he established marriage and family, he established the home. And, if you destroy the home, you destroy society; you destroy civilization. Because, once the home goes, then everything else falls apart. A community is only as strong as its churches, and a church is only as strong as its marriages and families. Hey, what does it mean to honor your father and mother? It means you have an attitude of respect for them.

Why is it so important? Because it teaches the value of family. It teaches a child to honor authority. And thirdly, what are some practical ways to do it? God wants us to know practically how to do it. So, you know, I remember reading a book that a guy wrote, and he said that, when he would listen to sermons, he would listen to the pastor go on and on and on, and then he would say to himself, he would write a note as he was taking notes, «Y-B-H: Yes, But How»? Yes, but how? How do I do this? And so, when we talk about honoring your father and mother, maybe you’re saying, Well, «Jeff, you don’t know my father and mother. They’re not very honorable».

Okay, well there are a lot of parents that aren’t very honorable. But, you know, a husband is to love his wife even when she’s not very lovable. A wife is to respect her husband even when he’s not respectable. We do it in the Lord. We do it as servants of Christ. We do it because the Lord’s commanded us to do that. We serve our boss, our employer. Colossians 3 says, «You serve him as you were serving Christ,» not because he is such a wonderful guy perhaps or she’s such a wonderful lady perhaps. It’s because you’re a believer, and you’re doing it as unto the Lord. And so, for a child, we honor our parents, we have this attitude of respect for our parents, not because they’re respectable per se, but because God commands us to do it.

So here are some very practical ways that you can honor your parents. Regardless of how old you are, you can honor your parents. First of all, you can express gratitude to your parents. Express gratitude to your parents. Let them know that you appreciate them. Let them know that you are thankful and grateful for the sacrifices that they made on your behalf. You know, you can do that in a phone call. You can do that in a visit. But I think even better than a phone call or a visit is a letter because that’s something they can keep. That’s something they can treasure. You send them a letter that really expresses the gratitude of your heart and you’re thanking them for all that they did for you, and they will read that and read that and read that and read that and put that in a safekeeping space so that they can pull it out again and read it and read it and read it and read it.

Express your gratitude and, hey, we started the summer, and so we have a lot of kids who are home now. And that changes things, for the summer, doesn’t it? When your child is home all summer and maybe no job and, «I’m bored. What is there to do? There’s nothing to do, I’m bored». We have less of that. When I was a kid, once you went through the four channels we had on TV, it was like, go outside, read… My mom would always say, read a book. «No, it’s not, it’s summertime, I’m not reading a book». Well, then go outside. Quit beating your sister. You know, that kind of thing is, you got to do something.

But here’s… I read this in my studies this week from Kevin DeYoung. He said, «How about this, kids? How about when your mom or dad asks you to do something? You do this chore, you do this assignment. You say, 'Yes, mom, yes, dad, ' instead of, 'Ah, why do I have to do that? She didn’t do it, now you’re making me do it. That’s not fair.' Don’t do that stuff. That doesn’t express a gratitude toward your parents». So learn how to say, «Yes, mom, yes, dad, I will do that». We can express gratitude to our parents. Secondly, we can listen to our parents and heed their counsel and heed their commands if we’re younger and we live under their roof. Listening to them. What did we say, honor means to attach weight to, to be heavy, to be weighty.

And, when you come before your parents, you’re going to get counsel from somebody who carries weight. That doesn’t mean, especially as an adult, that doesn’t mean you’re going to necessarily do what they tell you to do or what they counsel you to do, but you want to hear from them because they’re further down the road than you are. They’ve been where you are now. We have to remember that because, in most of our lives, our parents are are, you know, 20 years down the road from where we are. And so they can tell you things, «Hey, you got to watch out for this, you got to watch out for that. I had a problem with this, and, if you don’t watch it, you’re going to have that same problem. I don’t want you to fall and fail where I did». And so they give you counsel, and we need to listen to them, to hear and to heed their counsel.

Thirdly, we can seek to live a Godly life. John said in 3 John chapter 1, verse 4, «I have no greater joy than to hear of my children walking in the truth». And that’s true for a spiritual leader, as John was talking about spiritual children walking in the truth, but that’s so true for mom and dad. Mom and dad want to see their kids walk in the truth. They want to see their kids make good decisions. Now you hear this all the time, «Well I just want my children to be happy». Well, if they obey the Lord, that’s when you’re going to find real joy in life. That’s when you’re going to find peace in life. If you disobey your parents and dishonor your parents, God says, «You’re not, it’s not going to go well with you. You’re not going to live long on the earth. Your life will not be good. I can’t bless you if you’re doing that».

So, as sons and daughters, we can make a big difference in our parents' lives if we live a godly life, if we live a life that brings honor to the Lord because a life that brings honor to the Lord brings honor to your parents. Proverbs chapter 23, «The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice. And he who begets a wise son will be glad in him. Let your father and your mother be glad. And let her rejoice who gave birth to you». One of the last things that my dad ever said to me… Now, remember my mom and dad, Catholic, so youngest son Jeff gets saved senior year in high school, goes off to college at the University of Texas, gets together with godly guys, starts growing in the Lord, joins a Baptist church, horrors to my parents, and then tells my parents, «I need to get baptized».

You need to do what? You’ve already been baptized. No, I need to be baptized. I mean, you would have thought I shot their dog. They just didn’t understand that at all, and they’re like, «Well, okay, well,» I mean, you know, I appealed to them, I didn’t just say, «This is the way it’s gonna be». They didn’t want me to do it, but they weren’t gonna stop me from doing it. And then, live my life and get called in the ministry and leave my job to go in the ministry, they’re scratching their head, «What in the world are you doing»? And so then I become a pastor of a Baptist church, and they’re thinking, «What is, he’s gone off the deep end»?

Before my dad died, he told me, «Jeff, I’m proud of you. I’m proud of you». Hey, when you live your life to glorify the Lord, makes your parents proud of you, and it’s a blessing to them. I have no greater joy than to hear of my children walking in the truth. Fourthly, practical ways we can honor our parents, we can include them in our lives. Parents like to be included. Now this is as you get, as you start getting older. Now, when you’re a teenager, you know, you go from grade school, you want your parents involved in everything, middle school, «Okay, I want them involved in pretty much everything,» then you get to high school, parents are, they become so dumb. Have you noticed that?

«Well, they just don’t, they might, they don’t know anything». I remember as a high school student, I would drive by, and, this friend of mine, his parents, they would mow the yard on Friday evening. And I thought, «What a couple of nerds». I mean, Friday is when you go out, and they’re mowing the yard, and he’s got on tennis shoes and black dress socks. Nerd alert, I mean just loser deluxe. That’s what kids think about parents. They’re just so out of touch. And so we start to kind of distance. We don’t want them in our lives as much.

And then we get older than that, and, if things aren’t good with our parents… and some people have parents that are very, very difficult, and they’re too controlling, they wanna be… You gotta set boundaries, and I realize that. But you always want to include them. You don’t want to exclude them from your life. You hear about some people, and they say, «Well, you know, Mom and Dad, if you don’t toe the line, if you don’t do what I want, you’re not gonna see your grandkids anymore». They use that as a weapon. That’s not honoring your father and mother. To honor your parents means you include them as best you can.

And, if you have a father or mother who is bipolar or an alcoholic, a drug addict, you gotta be careful with how you do that. But you always want to have an attitude of honor, including them in our lives. And then lastly, we can seek to make things right with them. Hey, maybe you’re here, and this is a tough commandment because you don’t have a good relationship with your mom and dad. Your mom and dad have hurt you, and you give them the stiff arm. You’re like, «My life is better when I don’t talk to them, when I stay away from them».

And then you come across the fifth commandment, and it doesn’t have an expiration date, and you say, «I am not attaching weight to my parents. I’m not revering them. I’m not esteeming them. And we don’t have a relationship, and there is tremendous distance». You need to do what you need to do to make things right with them. Look at it again. «Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you, that it may go well with you». It’s the commandment with a promise, and you can get in on that good promise today.