Jack Graham - A Man and His Marriage

Watch
Audio
Donate
Prayer Request

There is no person that God cannot save! There is no promise that God will not keep! There is nothing that our God cannot do! Take your Bibles and turn with me to 1 Peter chapter 3. The title of this sermon is "A Man and His Marriage". If I had a subtitle, I might give it these words: "How to be the husband of a happy wife". The secret to marriage is a loving commitment for a lifetime. To determine to do the will of God together; as husbands and wives to align ourselves with His will and His plans and purposes for our lives. And to begin and end serving Him together loving one another all the way.

In marriage God has a role for each one of us to play. And that is we're to be honorable, respectful, loving husbands and wives are to be loving and respectful wives. Submitting to one another and to the Lord. Today the focus as I said is on a man and his marriage. Guys, it's on us to be godly men, Christ-like men, Spirit-filled men in order that we might be godly husbands, Christ-like husbands, Spirit-filled husbands. To be responsible and respectful men who are willing to lay down our lives for our wives. The highest office in the land is not the Oval Office at the White House; the highest office in the land is in your house. It's the role of husband.

There's nothing more important to the very fabric of our culture and society. And in 1 Peter chapter 3, verse 7 we have a succinct scripture that tells us men how we are to love our wives. This is what happens when a man loves a woman. Somebody ought to write a song like that. "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered". Verse 8, "Finally, all of you, have unity of mind", that's oneness that we talked about, "sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind".

I want to give you 4 ways that you can be a godly husband, a great husband God's way. Number one, lead with love. And when I say lead, I mean that God has given men in the home the responsibility and the authority to lead our wives and lead our families well. It is the principle of biblical authority that we see in God's Word. And in 1 Corinthians chapter 11 and verse 3, in fact, why don't you just turn there with me to 1 Corinthians chapter 11 and verse 3. But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ; the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. God is a Trinity: He is Father, Son and Holy Spirit. He is a Holy Trinity. And the Father, the Son and the Spirit, they are one. Co-equal and co-eternal. A Triune God.

And the Scripture tells us here clearly that God the Father is the head of the Son. Now what does that mean? Because if God the Son and God the Father and God the Spirit are one, how can one be above another? In His humanity, when God became one of us, Jesus yielded His will to the will of the Father. Philippians chapter 2 tells us that He laid aside the prerogatives of deity. He never laid aside His deity but as it's been said, He laid aside His dignity and became one of us: God with us. And as a human being, Jesus submitted Himself in His humanity to the will of the Father, and he purposely fulfilled the plan of the Father for His life.

Jesus voluntarily died on the cross in submission to the Father's will. He even prayed as you probably know, "If this cup could pass from me, Father, let it be". But God chose for Him to drink that bitter cup to the dregs, and He did. Jesus walked on this earth and he repeatedly obeyed the will of the Father.

So in God's order as Christ has voluntarily yielded to the headship of the Father, the husband is the head of the wife in the sense that the wife is to submit or yield to the servant leadership, the loving leadership of her God-ordained husband. I am a man under authority; I am under the authority of God. And I am also a man with authority. I have the authority of being a pastor of this wonderful church, a God-given authority that you allow me to undertake as your pastor. And I have the responsibility and the accountability before God as a man, a husband to loving lead my wife. Men are to lead with love; their wives to willing follow their leadership as spiritual leaders, servant leaders in the house.

Now some people have the idea that a man being the head of the home is that the husband goes around barking orders. "I'm large; I'm in charge. You do what I say. Just listen to me". Nothing could be further from the truth. There is never a scripture, there is never a verb in the Bible that says men are to rule over their wives. Did you know that? I just blew up some guy's bubble back there. Never to rule. The verb that is used again and again in relationship we have with one another, and certainly, husbands and wives is to love. Not to rule, but to love. And when we love this way... You know, people love in different ways.

Gary Chapman has written a famous book among Christians; it's over multiple decades it's been number one for marriage book list, called Love Languages. And his thesis is that people give and receive love differently. True, isn't it? You do, I do. For some love is words, saying it verbal or written, words of encouragement and affirmation, affection and adoration. That's some people's love language. Maybe yours, maybe your wife's. For others, love is gifts whether small things or larger things. They say a diamond is a girl's best friend. I don't know. But some people's love language is like that.

And then for others love is given in thoughtful acts of service. Love is expressed and love is heard through serving one another, helping one another. And so as a principle we are to love one another in the language that we speak. So that brings us to the second point which is to say, while we are to lovingly lead our wives, to take responsibility to lead our wives and our we families, we are also then to understand our wives. Love understands. And that's why back in 1 Peter chapter 3, verse 17... or verse 7 and 8 rather, it says, "Live with your wife with understanding".

Now, I ask you, who can understand a woman? I'm just asking? Why? Because a woman is an incredible creation and wonder from God. She truly is. And so guys, men, what we are to do is to study to know our wives. That word know there in 1 Peter. Same kind of word that's used for intimacy, physical intimacy in the Bible, but it is way beyond physical intimacy. In fact, knowing our wives in the way that we're going to be talking, leads to a fantastic personal and intimate relationship, but we are to pay attention. And if I were to just amplify this verse, it would say, pay attention to your wives; study your wives; consider them; learn; devote yourself to knowing your wife, exploring the wonders of the creation that God has given you.

Wow! What a responsibility that is! To know and to consider our wives. And I picked this up. I thought a little bit of humor might be welcomed today. Twelve things women say versus what they actually mean. I'm just going to take a few of these. "I'm fine". Not always! And maybe the proper response would be: "Are you sure"? You might even want to ask a couple of times just to be safe. It may be that sh's in need of a good cry or just soneone to listen. Oh, here's one. Guys, you need to be smart. "Does this make me look fat"? Well, that's a time, can I say, to make your wife feel beautifull. She may not feel beautiful, but this is your opportunity to tell her that she's beautiful. Don't mess that up. Don't miss the opportunity. Okay, here's the last one. "Oh, you don't need to get me anything".

Notice the word need in this sentence. No, you don't need to her anything, but she probably wants you to take the opportunity to share an act of love with her. So, I say some of these things to say, it's our opportunity, gentlemen, over a lifetime, this doesn't happen overnight, but to love our wives and lead our wives by studying. This takes communication; this takes, of course, listening and being there. Putting your screen down and your phone off and being willing to converse and to communicate. Then we are to live with honor. Because the Scripture says we're to live together with honor.

In love with understanding we are to lead with love and then we are to live with honor with one another. Because what does the scripture say? That we are heirs together, we are, some words, some versions give it, "partners" together with the grace of God. In Christ we share and share alike. In Christ, there's no male or female. We are one in the bonds of love. His love! And it is that oneness in Christ that creates an honor for us to honor one another; to be considerate, men, of your wives. This is more, though it includes, but it is more than being a gentleman; it's a deeper meaning. To bring honor means to treat as precious, as valuable. The weaker vessel.

Now, of course, when the Scripture describes a wife, the woman as the "weaker vessel" that does not mean emotional, physical, certainly not physical inferiority, mental inferiority, intellectual inferiority... not at all! Though any brain can understand that women are different than men physically. Weaker in one sense, physically. If there's going to be a cage fight, the guy's probably going to win in most cases. If we're going to have a war with the men on one side and the women on the other side, the men are probably going to win the war because there's a physical side of a man that is stronger.

And that's why it is so insane that the Biden Administration and others are saying now that men can complete in women's sports. It is wrong at every level that you can imagine! Men and women's locker rooms. And some people apparently so called very smart people testifying in Congress can't even decide what a woman is! Can't define what a woman is! Well, you know what a woman is! They're made different. They're made physically different; they're emotionally different; they are spiritually, they respond to God even in different ways! As I said, it takes a lifetime of learning your wife. But when it says the "weaker vessel", think of fine china; think of a valuable gem; something very precious. Men, your wife is precious to you. She is a valuable gift from God.

Does your wife know by your actions and by your attitude and by your words just how honored she is. I put Deb Graham on a pedestal! Never by the way speak of your wife publicly or certainly privately as well in demeaning tones, diminishing tones. Elevate your wife! Honor her with your words! You realize that she desires to be treated with honor privately and publicly. Many wives, and I've seen this over the years, many wives are desperate for their husband's affection, for their attention, for their affirmation. Do the number one job you have which is to love your wife by honoring her.

So many are just taking their wives for granted. You got married. You put the marriage trophy on the shelf and you went on to pursue something else. But to honor your wife means all the days of your life. Not just coming home and living there. But by being a man full of respect. Don't be treating your wife, lecturing her, controlling her, but caring for her and comforting her. Not criticizing constantly but affirming and encouraging. Tell your wife that you love her and honor her again and again and again and again and again. And when you do, your love will last and live for a lifetime. Because you are the heirs of the grace of God.

And as we are together in Christ, there's a oneness that cannot be described outside of this spiritual relationship. There's a oneness. So how does this work? I want to be, this is something, if you were to sit with me in my office and we were to talk about, men, our marriage, here's some of the things I would say, you may want to write these down. Women, you may have to write them down for him because he doesn't listen well. But I'm telling you guys, if you will do this, this is how you honor your wife and become with her an heir to the grace of life. So we are to lift together. That's the final point. Lift, by that I mean elevate. So how do we do that? "Heirs together in the grace of life". We lift together.

So number one, read and agree upon God's Word together. That doesn't mean that at every point you understand God's Word just exactly the same and there are points of discussion and those are good discussions. But of are all the basics of truth you need to be aligned with a biblical world view together. By the way, again, back to singles, make sure you marry someone who has a biblical world view, a Christ-centered heart and a biblical world view. So read God's Word together and grow in your conviction regarding the Scripture.

Then worship and pray together. Worship in your church and in your home. Did you know that you have twice the chance of staying married and having a great marriage, much, much more chance if you worship together in a church? Find a church, not just any church but a church with a biblical world view, Christ-centered, Spirit-filled, loving congregation. And don't be, guys, just randomly attending or anonymously attending, but that means that you are together as husband and wife. Too many men have the idea that church is for women and kids. No, men, lead you family well by leading them to church, starting with your wife.

Thirdly, I would say, be a part of a small group that encourages you and your spouse. We call them life groups here, but these are small group Bible studies where you are together. We have many classes that are couples together, marrieds together. We have all kinds of classes for singles, as well as marrieds, but find a class that connects with you, that you can share your faith and encourage one another because being together with other couples is an advantage as you grow in your faith.

Fourthly, develop close friends who share your faith. Develop mentors in your life and other couples that challenge you to live your faith. This is on the social side of things. Socialize with people who share your common faith. Develop close friends with models and mentors that will challenge you and if need be, correct you.

Number five, discover your spiritual gifts and work together in a ministry. A ministry in the church or in the community that makes a difference for the Gospel of Christ. Working together, serving together is a great bonding force in your life. Fellowship, it's not just coke and cookies on Sunday night after church. Fellowship, real Koinonia is sharing life together. When we are working together. This is one of the reasons I would just say that Deb and I have such a great marriage, is that we have served the Lord together all these years. You say, "Well, you're a pastor; that's you and Deb". Well, no, everyone has spiritual gifts and all of us can find a mission trip, serve the Lord, go together, be a part of something bigger than yourself.

Number six, regularly share your faith with others. Make your home and your family a mission station. Personally share your faith, because I know in my own life, when I am sharing the Gospel, personally, not only publicly proclaiming Christ as I do, but when I am witnessing and sharing my faith, my love grows for God, for people and that includes my wife.

Number seven, lead your children to know and love Jesus. Because if you as a man are leading your children to know and love Jesus, then your wife will be blessed in the house. Above all, seek God; above all, pray. If your marriage needs a miracle, if you are in a mess right now in your marriage, you're facing challenges and difficulties, there is a verse in the Bible that we often quote in praying for the nation, 2 Chronicles 7:14, but this is a great prayer for your marriage and your family as well.

"If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves and pray, and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, then I will forgive their sins and heal their land". And you can say "heal your marriage". So pray for your marriage, for the restoration and pray with your wife. Now, men, let's just be honest. Most of us don't do a very good job of praying with our wives. I don't know what it is; it's something about maleness, it's something about transparency, it's something about being too busy. I don't know what it is. I include myself in this.

What is it that would keep you from praying not only for, I mean, you tell a man to go pray, he'll go out in the desert somewhere and pray. I mean, you tell a man to pray, he prays. But what is it about praying together as couples that is really that hard? I don't know. I think it has something to do with how the devil wants to stop the power of God in our marriages. But when you pray, pray together. It doesn't have to be long, drawn out. You don't have to be Shakespearian in the way you speak in your praying, but just hold hands and pray together.

Pray about the things that concern you; pray for you children; pray for your family. Pray for one another. And when you pray with your wife like that, talk about understanding; you'll hear her heart when she prays. You'll hear the desires and the dreams and the ambitions of her life when you pray with your wife. It's been said the prayer doesn't change God's mind, but it finds God's mind. We understand the will of the Lord. And we know that when you pray, men, prayer changes you. It does. It changes the way you love; it changes the way you live; it changes the way you serve your wife.

Yes, we are to be the pastor of our wives, the shepherd of our families. Don't be a passive man; be a passionate man. Not indifferent or irresponsible, not weak and soft and silent, but be strong and stalwart. Gentlemen, it's time to man up! And therefore, we leave up to God. You want to know who your model for marriage is, though He was never married, but your model as a man is Jesus and so pray to be more and more like Him. And I promise you that you will be the husband of a very happy wife.