Jack Graham - Marriage God's Way

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There is no person that God cannot save! There is no promise that God will not keep! There is nothing that our God cannot do! Take your Bibles and turn to Genesis chapter 2. We're going all the way back to the beginning of the Bible to lay some foundations for the family, your family and mine. Now at the outset I want to say if you are a Christian, if you are a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ, there is a 100 percent chance that you can have a great marriage. We hear all the data, and I could stream the data this morning of the brokenness of the homes and families and there's a lot of it.

And there are reasons for it, of course. And we'll identify some of the reasons for this brokenness along the way. But at the start, I want to say to you don't give up on your home and your family. Don't give up on your marriage. And even if you have a good marriage right now, my prayer for you is that you will move from good to great. But it won't be just living together or staying together. It's important to stay together. But not just staying together, but growing together.

When Deb and I got married May 22, 1970, that was 54 years ago coming up, we didn't have a clue as to what marriage would require of us. We knew that we knew the Lord and that we wanted to serve Him and we wanted to serve Him together. And God has helped as a couple to grow together. And your marriage as well as mine, can be filled with love. A love that doesn't just linger but lasts a lifetime; a devotion that is not only love at first sight. You know what that feels like if you can remember, that love at first sight. I think I really truly loved Deb at first sight. If it wasn't, it was the second look shortly thereafter!

I loved her at first sight! But as the saying goes, it's not love at first sight that really makes marriage last, love last; it's when you've been looking at each other all these years. You say, "Well, you know, my wife, she doesn't look like she used to". Well, have you looked in the mirror lately, sir? So, no we don't look like we may have looked at first sight, but it's last sight that I care about the most. Right? It's after all the years and coming to the end of the days of our lives that we can look at one another and love one another more than ever.

And when a family is filled with the Lord Jesus Christ, when Christ is at the center of your hearts and your home, then yes, His love poured in our hearts by the Holy Spirit will last a lifetime. Because, you see, it's not what you know. There's so much information now about marriage, home and the family. And I'm grateful for most of it, especially some great Christian materials and counseling and authors and help and conferences. But I was thinking the other day, we are in a generation, we know now more than any previous generation about marriage; about how to have a great marriage, how to get through conflict, all the things, communication, children, parenting. There is more information now than ever and yet, even in the Church, capital "C" the Church at-large, divorce data is particularly the same as it's always been, or worse.

So with all this information, why aren't we getting it? Even this message series. You know my goal is, I'm going to give you a lot of information, biblical truth, but what I want you to hear is not from me, but I want you to hear from God, and that you would open your hearts right now at the outset and pray each day throughout this series that God would renew your heart and your home and your family and your marriage. Because ultimately, it's not about information; it is about not what you know; it's who you know! And when you know Jesus Christ, I mean, really know Him, that you have an intimacy with God in Christ, that you know Him, when you know, you will grow in your knowledge and in your wisdom as to how to have a great marriage and a great family.

Now, let's lay the foundation. Marriage and family is a divine design. God is a God of design and order, and the same God who spoke the worlds into existence, the sun, the moon, the stars, the planets, the universe, the same God who did all of that, "When I in awesome wonder consider all the worlds Thy hands have made; How great Thou art". When we consider this, the majesty and the grandeur of God, we also see that God created the man and the woman in the Garden on the planet earth and it is all by divine design. All of this is by His order.

And the biblical world view of life is not evolution; it is, in fact, devolution. We're not getting progressively better; we're getting progressively worse as the Bible tells us. Our world view is not evolution; it is creation and the God who is the Creator. And that, of course, includes marriage and men and women who are created by divine design. Marriage did not ooze out of the primordial swamp in some way. No, marriage exists because God exists and because God made us in His own image. And though that image is defaced and destroyed by sin, it can be restored by Jesus Christ. And you can become a new creation by putting your faith and trust in Him.

Verse 7 of Genesis chapter 2 puts it this way: "then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature". Now scroll down to verse 18: "Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good...'" After all the good that God has created, at each interval of creation, day after day, God looked at it and He said that it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good. And then He created the man Adam, placed him in the Garden and he saw that Adam was alone, and He said not good, not good.

And so what did God do? He said: "'I will make him a helper fit for him.'" Not as his competitor, but as his completer. Verse 21, "So that the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh". Divine surgery takes place. I heard an old story about Adam and Eve in the Garden after Adam was gone for several days. He was out hunting, he disappeared for several days. Eve was jealous and she thought he was out chasing women somewhere. And so Adam was awakened one day with Eve punching around his ribs and he said, "What are you doing"? And she said, "Looking for another lost rib". So out of his rib, "the Lord God had taken from man into a woman and brought her into the man".

Then verse 23, "Then the man said, 'This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.' Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife", I love that, "hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh".

Now three words in that verse, verse 24, describe marriage God's way. Three words: leave, cleave and become. And we'll talk about those in just a moment. Leave, cleave and become one flesh. "And the man", verse 25, "and his woman were both naked and were not ashamed". That is, they lived in perfect intimacy before God and before one another. So when you talk about marriage, you don't start with sociology or psychology; you start with theology which is the study of God. And when you know God and what God says, you want to know how God instructs us and informs us as to how we are to live our lives and live our lives together in families.

The psalmist said, "He puts the solitary in family". Everyone needs a family. Everyone needs a home. I like to say that you need a heavenly home, you need to know that you're going to heaven when you die or when Christ comes; you need a family home, people who love you; and you need a church home, you need a spiritual home. And so God puts us together in life. Jesus affirmed all of this in Matthew chapter 19, verses 4 through 6: "He answered, 'Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said to them, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh"?'"

What is Jesus doing? He is giving us once again the biblical world view. This is His Word, God's Word. "They shall become one flesh so that they are no longer two but one flesh. And what therefore God has joined together", Christ adds, Christ commands, "let not man separate". Why? Because marriage is not primarily a human institution; it is a divine institution. Before there was any other kind of institution in the world, before there was a university, before there was a government, before there was any organization, a business, before there was any other thing, a church, before there was a church, there was a family and it started with one who became one with another, Adam and Eve, they are our family.

We're all apart of the first family. And there's so many other things in life that are important, and we all understand that, but there's nothing more important, if you are married, than the relationship that you have with God and with the man or the woman in your life; your spouse.

How should we describe this? What is marriage God's way? Well, number one, it is: Marriage is a divine covenant, a covenant. That's an important word. Much more than a human contract or legal contract. And I believe in legal marriages, I do. But before God this is a covenant. So this is where we start. We start with the truth of the Bible. The Word of God directs us, and we commit therefore, to His plan for our life because He knows what is best. And may we never compromise on our commitment to God.

Your submission and mine to God's will must be total and wholehearted, no matter what. Monogamous marriage between a man and a woman is a mandate from Almighty God. God's word is to be obeyed always. That's why those of us who know and trust Him want to be all in in our marriage and always there! The Bible described marriage is Ephesians chapter 5 as "in the Lord,"; marriage in the Lord. And you glorify God, you glorify the Lord in your life when you keep your promises to your mate and to your family.

So here's the big priority that we've been talking about, and that is to leave and to cleave and to become one flesh. Three verbs: leave, cleave, and become one.

Leave: That's the idea of priority. That you leave your family behind. Your mother, your father. Now the Bible tells us that we're to always honor our mothers and our fathers. That's a commandment in the Big Ten list. And children are to obey their parents and honor their parents as children and throughout life. But when we get married, we leave behind mom and dad, and we create a new union, separate and unto itself. And whatever else you may do in life, your work, your career, raising your children, taking care of your health, all those things, do not compare to this first commitment that we have to God and to one another as husbands and wives. It is supreme in all human relationships.

So leave: that's priority. And cleave: that's permanence. Not only is this marriage a priority, of course, but it is permanent in its design, in its divine design. And in that is the word cleave. It's a word that literally means to stick together like glue. Kind of like Elvis used to say, "I'm stuck on you". And there is a cleaving. There is a leaving behind of your childhood and your past; you're now grown to make an adult commitment. You're now adulting in your marriage, and you're committed to one another, and then there is this permanence that we're cleaving to one another. We have connected, vitally connected in Christ.

You see, this is so much more than the way the world looks at marriage, isn't it? Or maybe even the way that you've looked at marriage. I'm elevating what marriage is God's way, and we all need to see it. The Bible says that we are, "Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the Church". Aren't you glad that Jesus never walked up to you and said, "You know what? I just don't love you anymore. I'm tired of you. I'm leaving". You will never hear Jesus say, "I'm leaving you". So how are we to love our wives? How are we to love our husbands? As Christ loves you. He said, "I will never leave you or forsake you". The great need that we all have is security in life. And wives and husbands need the security of knowing that you're there to stay. That you're cleaving.

This week I was going through some old photographs and albums, and I was trying to pull some of the photographs off the pages that were glued on to the album. And if you've ever tried that, you know what happens. You tear up the album and you tear up the photograph because if something is glued together, it is next to impossible to tear it apart and keep it intact. And that's what marriage is. If you try to tear it apart, if you try to rip it apart, it destroys both the husband and the wife in that union. So be like Zig Ziglar who used to say of "the Redhead" his wife, "If she ever leaves me, I'm going with her".

This means that we're going to accept one another, our failures, our faults, our foibles, the frustrations that happen on a daily basis; that we learn to accept one another, our own imperfections. Too many quit too soon! When if you would just work through and grow through the problems that you're facing, you can restore your home and your family. You say, "Well, it's next to impossible". "With God all things are possible"! Yes, you may need a miracle from God, but you can get a miracle because God's design is for you to love your wife and love your husband a lifetime.

And what I'm seeing, and I thought I would just share a few of these with you, what I've seen over all these years of being a pastor as what breaks up homes and families. One is selfishness. That's where it really starts. When Christ is on the throne of my heart and I'm off in a position of yielding and Deb is off in position of yielding to Christ, then Jesus is Lord of our home, our family, our lives, and it works! But if either one of us try to knock Jesus off and sit on the throne, that's what happens in so many marriages. It's just selfishness.

Secondly, this is what I think, and I've had a lot of experience in seeing this unfortunately. Substance abuse, substance, whether it is pornography or gambling or drugs, alcohol, just wrecks a family like hardly anything else.

Third, sexual sin obviously adulterates a family. Sex is a gift from God; it's to be protected at all cost within the covenant and commitment of holy marriage. Purity of heart and mind and body is the commandment of God for all Christians. But sexual sin has ruined many a life and many a marriage.

Fourthly, is spending; the way we spend our money. Debt in particular due to overspending. And money problems create all kinds of marriage problems. The Bible says, "Contentment with godliness is great gain". Godly contentment is great gain. The goal of your home and mine in Christ is contentment, peace and all the things in the world won't fill your need for contentment. And have you learned the lesson? This is the tenth commandment, by the way, "Do not covet". But have you learned the lesson that it's not having what you want in live, but it is wanting what you have that creates contentment in your mind and in your marriage.

And then I would say speech, that's another marriage killer. Speech, words. Our words matter. And our words are to be always loving and kind and expressive. They're not always, and I'll be the first among us to raise my hand and say my words are not always godly and wholesome and kind. This is something we have to work on our entire lives. I'm just talking about now between Deb and me. You say, "Do you and Deb have arguments"? No, we really don't have arguments; we do have discussions that can be heard, I don't know, several blocks away at times. Not that loud but... but let our speech be filled with love.

But here's what breaks a marriage down, here's what breaks your mate down. Abusive words, hateful words, angry words, profane words, hurtful words, carnal words. And if you are profaning your wife, if you are cursing your husband, not only do your children hear that, and what kind of representative of Christ is that! But not only do your children hear it, and it breaks them down. Why would anyone curse in front of their children? But if you are cursing your wife or your husband, you are bullying them, you are abusing them! You don't have to hit someone to abuse them. And I've seen so many marriages destroyed. And sometimes it's not even the words; it's the silence. You know what I'm talking about. It's the having a pity-party and shutting the other person out; it's the lack of communication. Just the lack of words, honest, clear words. But speech. The way we talk to one another.

Ask God to control your tongue. You say, "Well, it's home; I can say what I want". No, especially not at home. And then finally, Satan. If I were the devil (I'm glad I'm not!) But if I were the devil, the first place I would attack would be the home, the family. And that's what he does. And how does he attack? With lies. Lies that he tells you, lies that you tell yourself about your relationship. And don't believe the lies of Satan. Believe what God has said. And don't be a deal-breaker; be a promise-maker and a promise-keeper. Life was beautiful in the Garden, man and wife together, walking with God. But sin entered the Garden and took out everything that was holy and wholesome, including Adam and Eve and ultimately a son in their home.

So why would we try to go any way but God's way in life? How would we ever attempt something as wonderfully difficult as a marriage relationship without the power and the presence of God in our lives? Dear, dear Church, dear, dear people, we're just getting started. Today was foundational and foremost in everything that we need to hear. Again, with all the information and communication that's going on as to how to do this thing called family, first and foremost, is to go God's way, and to commit yourself to what He has said, and not what Satan says, not what anybody else says, but to trust in the Lord your God.