Greg Ford - The Resilience Test
We need to get good at failure for really, two big reasons I can think of. And maybe you can think of more, but I can think of two. The first is, it’s inevitable. You can run, but you can’t hide. So, you can try to, I mean, be a perfectionist and you can try to think it all out on the front end, right? I heard somebody say one time: risk is what you’re left with after you’ve thought of everything you could think of. You know, you thought of everything you could think of, but you’re left with risk, 'cause I don’t know what’s gonna happen. Failure is inevitable. Doesn’t matter how hard you try, doesn’t matter how good you are, you’re gonna fail. The second thing about failure is, it’s a part of growth. You’re not gonna grow without some failing, okay? And failure helps you define reality. Failure, the nature of failure, I can think of three kinds of failure.
Again, you can probably think of more, but this is just, I’m tryna help us out. Three kinds of failure. The first kind of failure is my best wasn’t good enough. So, this is just like you gave your best. Like you can think back and go «What would I have done different»? I mean, I don’t know. If I knew then what I know now, I’d do something different. But if I knew then what I knew then I’d do the same thing. And I tried man, I gave my all to that relationship. I gave my all to that project. I gave my best to that company. I gave everything I could to that job to be responsible in that role, and my best wasn’t good enough. Yeah, I’m the man in the arena and I’ve got dirt on me and blood on me and whatever, but I still failed.
My best wasn’t good enough. I had a friend, talented friend, one time tell me that it wasn’t until years later as a mature man that he realized, subconsciously, all through his, childhood, and teenage, and young adult years he never fully gave himself to anything. He never threw his full weight into anything because he was keeping an escape clause in his mind that if he failed, he could say, «Well, I didn’t give my best. Well, I didn’t try my hardest. If I had tried my hardest I probably would’ve». He was doing it subconsciously to try to protect himself from the terrible feeling of I gave my best and it wasn’t good enough. So, that’s one type of failure. I gave my best, it wasn’t good enough.
The second kind of failure is I knew better. I knew better. You can’t say you didn’t know 'Cause you knew. You knew better, but you did it anyway. For some reason, you lack the will power, or the discipline, or you got shortsighted, or you hit your pain threshold, or whatever. For some reason you just, you thought you could get away with it. You knew better.
The third is, you failed me. And the reality is our lives are interconnected to other people, and your wins are connected to other people’s wins, and your losses are connected to other people’s losses. Maybe you gave something away, delegated it, trusted it to somebody else, and they failed, and their failure is now intertwined with your failure. And so, we have failure. We’re gonna look here at the apostle Peter, and we’re gonna see some really relevant things that not only show up for Peter that Jesus takes him through, but I believe what Jesus is still taking disciples through to help us, to handle our failure and to get the most out of it. Let’s look at probably, what’s the most well-known one of Peter’s failures. We’re gonna turn to Luke 22, and this is of Peter’s failure in his denial of Jesus.
Okay, this is where we pick up in verse 54, «So, they seized him,» him, being Jesus, cuffed him, «And led him away, bringing him into the high priest’s house, and Peter was following at a distance». I don’t wanna take a long time here, but I do think it’s worth pausing in verse 54 where it says, «Peter was following from a distance». I think this often is the beginning of us getting to a place where we fail. Getting to a place where we’re weak. Why? I’m confused about Jesus, I’m tired, you know, I’m not sure, like yes, I’ve seen him walk on water, and yes, I’ve seen him raise the dead, and yes I’ve seen him do all this, but he’s looking weak right now, and this just feels different. Something feels different. So, he starts trailing Jesus, he starts following from a distance. And I just wanna encourage you, if you’re a bit confused by what’s going on.
«Hey, my instincts seem like they’re off, everything I do is wrong, I’m tried, I’m worn out». Don’t give into the instinct to put distance between you and Jesus. Stay close to Jesus. Stay close to Jesus in your disorientation. Verse 55, it says, «And when they had kindled a fire in the middle of the courtyard and sat down together, Peter sat down among them. And then a servant girl, seeing him», look at this, she sees him, «As he sat in the light and looking closely at him, said, 'this man also was with him'. But he denied it, saying, 'woman, I do not know him'. And a little later someone else saw him and said, 'you are also one of them'. But Peter said, 'man, I am not'».
So think about this now, look at just a slight difference in these two denials. The first denial is you know him, you’re with him, and he says, «No, I don’t know him». But the second is, they say, «You are one of them». And he says, «I’m not». This isn’t just, I don’t have academic knowledge of this person, I don’t know who you’re talking about. I’m not in relationship, I’m not with him. I’m not one of him. I’m not one of them. Verse 59, «And after an interval of about an hour still another insisted, saying, 'Certainly this man also was with him, for he too is a Galilean'. But Peter said, 'man, I do not know what you are talking about'. And immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed. And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered the saying of the Lord,» you know, «'before the rooster crows, you’re gonna deny me three times'. And he went out and wept bitterly».
I love the imagery that we get from Luke that Peter’s trying to hide himself. He’s trying to hide himself and yet he’s at this fire, and the fire is lighting up his face, and this girl is like, «Are you, you»? He’s like, «No I’m not me». She’s like, «You sure? You look a lot like you». «No, no, no, no, no. I’m not me». And it just makes me think about if you ever been trying to hide yourself. You ever been trying to conceal yourself. «I don’t want anybody to know who I am. I don’t want them to know who I really, I don’t feel safe here. I don’t know what’s up with God here. I don’t know, I prayed this prayer and it didn’t happen. I cut off someone’s ear, Jesus scolded me although he told me about a sword. I don’t know, all I know is I’m tired to the point of grief. I can’t keep my eyes open. All I know is a lots going on, and the chaos, and going, I don’t want anyone to see the real me».
But people are looking at you real close? Looking at you really close? It says, actually when Matthew tells this in the book of Matthew 26:73-74, it says, «Those standing there,» look at this, «Went up to Peter and said, 'surely you are one of them: your accent gives you away'. And then he began to call down curses, and he swore at them». So, they’re going, «Man you can’t deny it. I can hear your accent. You’re from Galilee. Dude, you’re one of them». And Peter pulls a classic move, when he’s caught, he decides to carpet-bomb with anger and swear words. If you ever witness one of these scenes, have you ever been in one of these scenes where you’re caught, you’re out of logic, maybe if I can curse loud enough the truth and the lies will all get lost in the confusion, and they’ll wanna change the subject. They’ll wanna move on.
This is exactly what Peter’s doing. And he’s starting to spiral. He’s starting his death spiral. He’s going down, tailspin. May day, may day. He’s going down, and in the middle of this going down, the rooster crows. And the rooster makes a noise that jolts him out of his spiral. And as he hears the rooster crow, right after that, he locks eyes with Jesus, and he sees Jesus. And this my friend is the beginning of Peter going from his most recent iteration of disorientation, to orientation. So, disoriented, «I’m in here, I don’t know who I am, I don’t know who Jesus is, I don’t know who God is, I don’t even remember, I’m not even thinking about all the miracles and all the things that have happened».
And all the many conversations that have been documented and not documented, all of that. I am so short-sighted, and I’m so grief-stricken, and I’m so incredibly exhausted. And it’s in the wee hours of the morning in the darkness and the lights on me. And like Jesus said in John 3, those who do evil don’t like light. It’s much better in the darkness, but when the light hits, their evil deeds are exposed, and now, I’m being exposed, and I’m overwhelmed, and I cut a guy’s ear off a few hours ago. And I don’t know what’s going to happen to me because I’m sort of at large, maybe. I don’t know what, and in the middle of all this, a rooster crows and begins a process of orientation, the beginning. I’mma tell you this, when you are in a tailspin, 100 miles an hour in the wrong direction, God will send a rooster.
I’ll prove it to you in the scripture. It says in 1 Corinthians 10:13 it says, «The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience». If you read it in the King James it would say, «No temptation has seized you except what is common to man». Okay what he’s saying here, he’s not saying this to be insensitive, it’s meant to keep you from feeling isolated. What you’re going through is not different from what some others have gone through. It’s not in the spirit of suck it up buttercup, it ain’t that bad, it’s in the spirit of you’re not alone and others are going through similar things to you, or they have gone through maybe exactly what you’re going through.
And so that we’re not alone, you’re not the only one who’s been sneaking around in dark places. You’re not the only one with skeletons in your DMs. You’re not the only one who’s terrible with money, all right. You look like money, you smell like debt. You’re not the only one who sabotaged a good relationship 'Cause you don’t know how to be in one. You’re not the only one who’s botched up a conflict. You’re not the only one who’s been caught lying. You’re not the only one who fell off the wagon. You’re not the only one with homicidal thoughts. You’re not the only one whose pride ever got in the way. He said, «There’s no temptation that seized you except what is common to man.
And God is faithful,» look at this, «He will not allow you to be tempted more than you can stand. When you’re tempted,» look at this, «He’ll show you a way out so you can endure». When you’re tempted he will send a rooster to crow, to shock your system, to pull you out of your tailspin. Will you receive it? He’ll give you an exit. There will be something. Think about what is a rooster? All right, let’s think about what is a rooster. Well actually it reminds me of a message, one of my favorite messages I’ve ever done at this church. I preached this guy. Some of you been around long enough to, some of you weren’t here for it, so I’ll give you the cliff-note, okay. This rooster crows, and when I preached it the first time I walked around with this thing and I tried to crow like a rooster, but I went back and watched it back, and I sounded like a hound dog actually. It was really bad.
And I was really felt like I sounded like a rooster, but I went back, it wasn’t. So I’m gonna spare you. But the message was this, Peter hears a rooster crow, and of course it says, he locks eyes with Jesus, and he remembers what Jesus said. And so, for Peter he’s reminded of his failure. And if Peter’s not careful, for the rest of his life every time he hears a rooster, what’s he gonna think about? Failure. But roosters don’t crow and this was, oh this was my favorite part of the message, you know, whenever it was, years ago. But my favorite part of the message is this, roosters don’t crow to tell you about failure. Why does a rooster crow? 'Cause it’s a new day, it’s a new day. And this was the beginning, and the message still applies.
This was the beginning of Peter going from a disorientation to orientation. It was a new day. It was a step one, not the last step. But I want you to think about this now, a rooster, what is a rooster? 'Cause God is still sending roosters to people who are in tailspins. Well, a rooster could be a few things. One, a rooster could be a memory. So, it says when he heard the rooster he remembered what Jesus said. When he locks eyes with Jesus he remembers who Jesus is. With all the, «I’m around unfamiliar people. I’m denying all this».
All of a sudden, he looks and now he sees Jesus' eyes and he remembers Jesus walking on water, and Jesus pulling him up when he started to sink. He’s remembering Jesus turning water into wine and feeding the 5,000, and raising Lazarus, and the many conversations they had had on their long boat rides, and all of this, okay? It was a memory. And I think sometimes in a moment you you’re short-sighted, life’s happening fast, you’re overwhelmed by the threats, and God will send a memory to you. It might be a video you see, it might be something you wrote in a journal, it might be an old picture, it might be something that it conjures up a memory, you know. We tend to say in church, «Hey, you know, I know I’m not where I want to be, but thank God, I’m not who I used to be, right»?
That’s good and sometimes that’s true, but sometimes who you used to be is better than who you are today. If you’re being honest, you regressed. «I used to be a good husband, I used to be a good wife, my words used to mean something, I used to tell the truth. I used to be somebody you could count on. I used to be humble and receive correction. I used to be dependable. And yet, I’m looking at my life now and I’m a wreck». In fact, sometimes it’s a picture, maybe of somebody who’s deceased, who’s passed away, and when you look at that picture it’s a rooster crowing at you saying, «If they could see me now, I’m glad they can’t see me now».
For some of you the rooster crowing might be a conversation you need to have it a tombstone with some flowers to go back to a memory of who you used to be. 'Cause you’re not who you used to be, it’s gone the wrong direction. And those memories are helpful to define reality, to calibrate, to pull you out of who you’re becoming right now. Sometimes it’s a memory, sometimes it’s a person. It’s a person. I talked to a guy recently he was in the military, and he did several tours, and he summarized his time there saying he saw some of the most horrific things a person can see in his time in battle. And so he came home and now, he’s a husband and a father, and he’s trying to adapt to civilian life, and he’s got some PTSD and he’s got some emotional things, and he’s got some mental things going on. He got a lot of stuff going on. And he was telling me about a dark place that he was, in a dark moment.
To where he was in a dark room with a revolver trying to figure out what he was gonna do. Dark moment with the revolver in a state of disorientation in a tailspin. And he said in a moment where he was in a dark place capable of some very dark things his young daughter walked in the room, and essentially was a rooster. He said he took the revolver and stuck it under his leg and hid it, and he made it through another night, but he realized, «Man I gotta find some orientation». But that moment God sent a person. Think about this now, Peter locks eyes with Jesus and he sees a person. Sometimes it’s a person, sometimes it’s a memory, sometimes it’s a situation that you cannot avoid. It’s like this, the subpoena was a rooster, got served papers was a rooster, the lawsuit was a rooster, the pink slip was a rooster. It created a reality you couldn’t hide from, you had to face it, it’s not going away and so, what is it? It’s something that while I’m in my tailspin, I can’t deny, I have to face up to.
And so, what does Paul say? Paul says, «Hey look man, we go through the same temptations, but God will send a rooster, he will provide a way out». It says in Luke 22:62 that after the rooster crows, and he locks eyes with Jesus, he goes, and weeps bitterly. He weeps bitterly. Which I think is also a part of orientation. One of the reasons why we tend to wanna stay in denial is because do we really wanna look fully at our reality? 'Cause to look fully at reality would be really painful and cause us to weep and I don’t want to weep and I don’t want to think about it, I want to push it down. But in that moment we’re starting to see some steps of orientation, snap out it with the rooster, lock eyes with Jesus, and weep bitterly. Weep bitterly isn’t always bad.
You know, I think we could learn from our mistakes and our failures more quickly if we didn’t take so long to admit them. Like one of the things that keeps you from actually taking this failure and turning it into growth, or moving pass it is just this unwillingness to admit it. And why don’t I wanna admit it? Well, who wants to admit it? It’s painful. And yet Peter, you’re like, «Don’t miss this. This is a gigantic step in his orientation is his willingness to look in the eyes of Jesus and to actually weep. There is a time for weeping, there is a time for feeling gravity of reality, there is a time for dealing with this». And Jesus had no intention of leaving Peter there, but you can’t skip the step. You can’t restore yourself, but you have to participate in your own restoration, can’t do it all by yourself.
God will take you through that process, sometimes he’ll use other people, but you are not a bystander to your restoration, you have to participate in it. And part of Peter’s participation was his willingness to weep bitterly. For me in those most recent reading of Luke 22, the part I find myself grabbing and gravitating to the most is when Peter locks eyes with Jesus. Often when I’m reading the scripture I’ll really try to put myself in the characters eyes, and I imagine what I would be thinking. Jesus told me I was going to do it. I’m so stinking tired I couldn’t even stay awake. I tried to be a hero, but I cut somebody’s ear off, and I did damage and Jesus corrected it. And then I started trailing, creating distance.
Now, I wanna have all faith in Jesus but something feels different about this, now I’m being exposed, and I’m afraid, and I’m denying. Then, I lock eyes with Jesus after the rooster crows, what I would be thinking is, I’d be asking myself, «What is he thinking? What is Jesus thinking»? Cause we live with human beings, and human beings are good at failing. Which is why when Peter, remember conversation Peter has with Jesus? «Jesus, when people fail me how many times should I forgive? Remember this»? Jesus is like, well, Peter goes, «How about seven? It’d be noble». Jesus goes, «No, man not even close, 70 times 7». People are good at failure, so you better get good at forgiveness. Of course, Peter at that point was talking about other people failing him, here’s him failing Jesus.
Now, here’s the thing, in our world, we understand human beings have a threshold. Some point you push 'em far enough, you fail 'em often enough, or you hurt them badly enough, you get cut off, cut out, canceled, shutdown, unfriend. He’s gotta be thinking, «Did I just hit that threshold with Jesus»? Right? Jesus is a human being. «Did I just hit that threshold? What is behind those eyes»? We know what was behind those eyes, what was behind those eyes was love for Peter, what was behind those eyes was grace for Peter, what was behind those eyes was forgiveness for Peter, but what was behind those eyes was that he wanted the best for Peter. And what sometimes is the best for somebody is to allow them to weep bitterly, and then to walk through the painful process of restoration. Now, I gotta go fast, so hang with me, brings us to John 21.
I’m gonna summarize. You can go look it up. Peter says, «Let’s go fishing». Why? Off-ramp. «I failed, maybe I’m supposed to take an off-ramp, or go back to what I was doing when I met Jesus. Maybe I’ve disqualified myself». What we tend to do is we wanna run from our failure. If you failed with a person or you failed at a place you don’t go back to that place. When’s the last time you went back to the facility of the job that fired you? «No, you know, I’m gonna come back. Hey guys, I’m back». «For what»? «I just want to hang out». You feel like a failure. So, we tend to run from those environments, and he was running from the place of failure to go to what he knew how to do, which is to fish, but that’s what Jesus called him out of to go do something else. «I don’t know man, I’m just coming through, I’m trying to reorient, dude, I’m trying to reorient».
And of course, Jesus comes and it’s just such a great story 'Cause Jesus goes, «Hey, have you guys caught anything»? «What»? «Did you catch any fish»? «No». «Throw your nets on the other side». And what he’s doing is, Jesus is recreating, it’s almost tongue-in-cheek, he’s recreating the miracle that he did when he met Peter, remember? Peter had been fishing all night they hadn’t caught anything. Jesus goes, «Try cast your net on the other side». They’re like, «Dude, we’re fishermen, you’re a carpenter, go make a chair. Like we fish, this is what we do we know all about this place, we know exactly how this works. Like don’t talk to us about our business, okay? Okay».
Jesus is like, «Just trust me». And they throw the net on the other side, and their nets are ripping, they’re ripping, remember that? John 21, he does the same thing. «Throw your net on the other side». They throw it over, net’s ripping again. The ripping sound is reminding them of the initial miracle, and their introduction to Jesus. They come to shore, they’re eating breakfast, and Jesus says, «Peter do you love me more than these»? He’s like, «Yeah, Lord you know I love you». He’s like, «Feed my sheep». And the second time he says, «Peter, do you love me more than these»? «Yes Lord, you know I love you». «Feed my sheep». «Peter do you love me more than these»? And the third time, it says, «Peter’s hurt». And Jesus isn’t hurting him to rub salt in the wound, or to be vindictive, or try to get even.
What is he doing? Oh, he’s doing a beautiful thing. He’s taken Peter back to his denial and he’s giving him a chance to deal with it to learn and extract every lesson he can learn from it, and to have it be a formation of his character, and his wisdom, man we gotta get you to wisdom, and maturity, and peace. You gotta make peace with it, but you gotta get smarter about it. And what’s he doing? He’s giving him a chance to, with the same mouth that he denied, with the same mouth that he tried to cuss his way out of the situation, with the same mouth that he was disoriented, you’re gonna take that same mouth, and you’re gonna declare your love. You’re gonna take the same mouth and you’re gonna restore. We want relief, Jesus wants restoration.
«I just want relief, I’m just gonna go back out here on the boat, and pretend like nothing…» «No, I’mma take you back into the scene of the crime, we’re gonna go back to the space so we can deal with it, get peace, we can learn, and get stronger». Why? Cause you have to know how to restore a relationship. «Peter I wanna use you as a leader. Peter, I have big plans for you man, I got big plans. And those big plans are going to cause you to have to restore relationship with God, restore relationship with yourself, and restore relationship with other people».
So, Jesus shows him, Jesus initiates with him, and he gives him the chance, and he wouldn’t let him blow it off. «Peter do you love me more than these»? «Yes Lord». He could have left it right there. The initial, if Jesus only asked him one time Peter probably doesn’t even remember this. Probably doesn’t even make it in here, it’s a non-event. Jesus, «Do you love me more than these»? «Yeah, Lord, you know, I love you. Stop». Second time, «Do you love me more than these»? Now, he’s gotta think about it. Think about that in the scripture, anything emphasized two or three times, «Verily, verily I say to you». Pay attention, two times. He asked him the third time. Why? First time, you didn’t even think about it when you answered. The second time, you thought about it. The third time, you’ll never forget it. «Do you love me more than these»? And friend, I wanna tell you, just like God had a big plan for Peter, he’s got a big plan for you. Big plan.