Andy Stanley - The Antidote to Bitterness
I want you to imagine that every conversation is like a construction site, and your words are building material and your responsibility as a Christian, your responsibility for, because you're interfacing with people that God loves, is to consider every single word something that you could use to build that other person up so that when you leave the construction site, when you leave the conversation, they are better off for having been with you. Why is it that you allow things to escalate sometimes? Why is it that you say things and you walk away and you think, why in the world, where did that come from?
If you're gonna be a builder instead of a demoer, there's something you're gonna have to deal with. You can't be a builder if you are bitter, because your bitterness will seep through your words, your volume, your tone, and your attitude. It affects the content and the intent of everything you say. It's like, oh, and the thing is about bitterness. You know this, you, you're smart. The antidote or the solution for bitterness is what? It's forgiveness, right? Bitterness requires forgiveness because where does bitter bitterness come from? For most of us, do you know where our bitterness came from? It came from words spoken to us about us or over us.
You grew up in a home where you never got a positive remark or comment from your mom or your dad, or when they or other, or when they were positive. There was always a hook. There was always a barb. There was always that sarcasm. You came out of a marriage where you couldn't do anything right? The words were used to put you down, put you down, put you down, put you down. Words were used to take from you what you should have been able to keep for yourself. They took your self-esteem, they took your reputation, they took your time, and so we come into new relationships.
We come into a new season of life, and we're dealing with the shrapnel of words that were spoken to us about us are over us, and we bring that wound and we bring that hurt into our current relationships. And let's be honest, we know this. It affects what we say, how we say it, the tone, the words we choose. It also affects what we refuse to say because of our pride, because people wrestling with bitterness are trying to pay people back that never did anything to them because they can't pay the person back who wounded them.
Forgiveness is the decision to give someone from the past what they don't deserve, so that you can give to those around you what they do deserve. You see, if you're a parent, you gotta deal with your bitterness. Even if you're in a second marriage or your single parent, you gotta deal with your bitterness because if you're not careful what was taken from you by someone else, you will pay back. You will pay back in the relationships you're in now, including your relationships, maybe with your kids or your grandkids. This is a big deal. You can't be a builder if you're bitter.