Andy Stanley - The Key to Better Relationships
Love. This is my favorite word. I, I, this was my word as as a parent when my kids were going through middle school and high school, that I had to learn that love absorbs that sometimes you have to sit and just take it in and just take it in, not reflect it back, not pretend like it's not true. You just absorb it. You know what to absorb means. You, we all know we've seen a liquid be absorbed into something. Did you know, you know, this energy can be absorbed as well, right? And when we're in a difficult conversation with someone we love, or that loves us, there's times when you just have to absorb their energy. Love doesn't react. Love responds.
And I'll tell you why, because love, love puts the other person's, this is key. Love puts the other person's story ahead of their own story. Because isn't it true when someone's angry or when somebody is saying things that are beginning to make you angry? Isn't it true that the conflict is around story? This is my story. This is the way I see it. This is what I experience. This is how I, no, this is how I, this is how I experience. This is what I saw. This is what I heard. This is what I, it's all about story. So in those moments, love realizes, you know what, we have different stories. We have different stories around the same event.
So I am going to listen to your story. I'm gonna put your story, your version of the events ahead of my own, because love remembers, love remembers that everybody's behavior makes perfect sense to them. Everybody's behavior makes perfect sense to them. And when their behavior doesn't make sense to you, it's because you don't know something. So love absorbs and love listens and love prioritizes the other person's story because after all, she may push your buttons, but those are your buttons. He may tick you off, but those are your ticks. That doesn't really work as well. But anyway, you can see what I'm saying. Okay? In other words, here's the thing.
So here, here's the question I guess to ask. Are, are you easily angered? Are you easily angered? Do you realize that's a you issue? That's a love issue. Are you easily angered? It is time that you begin to practice absorbing and understanding and listening. And I, I know, I know what you're thinking, okay? This is, this is what people think. It's certain seasons of their life. But Andy, okay, look. Look, the right person won't make me angry, okay? I just haven't, the reason I'm so angry, she's not right for me. He's not right for me. I need to find somebody who won't make her me angry. Because when I find the right person, there's the myth.
When I find the right person, I'm not gonna have to practice. You know, not being easily angry. When I find the right person, they're not even gonna make me angry. And you know what? That's true. They won't make you angry. But did you know no one has ever made you angry? They've just brought the anger out of you. And to follow Jesus is to learn to deal with what's in you before it comes out of you. And to learn to absorb rather than reflect and deflect and respond and like kind. And you know what? For some of us, this is not an issue. For others of us, this is a big issue. But at the end of the day, it's a you issue.