Andy Stanley - How to Know if Your Partner is Selfish
Love is not self-seeking. We don't use that phrase. Here's how we say it. Love is not selfish. Love puts the interest and the needs of others first. Love puts the interest and the needs of others first. Love puts the interest. What are you interested in? I would love to spend 30 minutes telling you what I'm interested in. What are you interested in? You talk your story. Love puts the interest and the needs of others first, which let's face it, we're all smart enough to know this would solve 90% of all relationship problems, right?
If two people decide to put the other person first, there are no relationship problems other than, okay, you first. No, you first. No, you first. No, you first. Okay. But that's a good problem, okay? Right? So when you, if, if two people decide to put the other person first, that solves most relationship problems. And here's why. Because in most relationship problems, there's this theme, in fact, in most relationship, are in most arguments, in fact, in all arguments, the two people arguing actually both want the same thing. They want their way. That's what they want, right?
You had the person you have the most arguments with. You have something in common. You both want your way. This is why I've told you in the past, and I, I wasn't kidding, in the middle of an argument, especially if you're dating someone or you're engaged or you're married, you should stop in the middle and say, Hey, hey, hey, you know what? The problem is here. You've heard me say this. You know what the problem is here. I'm not getting what I want. I mean, that shuts down the whole argument because you know, if they have any sense of self understanding, they would stop and say, well, that is part of the problem because I'm not getting what I want either. And when two people can recognize the problem is both of us aren't getting what I want, then you can talk. You can work through this. But this begins with a commitment not to be selfish.
Now, little tip, for those of you who are dating, the best way or the quickest way to find out how self-seeking the person you're dating is, is for you to be not self-seeking and not to be selfish. In other words, if you'll practice this, if you'll practice this a hundred percent, then you'll discover very quickly how selfish or how self-centered the other person is. And here's what I mean. If you give and give and give, and they take and take and take, then you'll know it's time to run and run and run.